Anxiety

Chapter Twelve

I tap my foot against the my desk, pen moving between my fingers as I chew on my bottom lip. My eyes are staring at the homework in front of me, mind a thousand miles away, still mulling over what Drew said. Am I really letting Jackson control my life still? Am I willing to let Jung-guk leave after finding myself again? Am I willing to lose everything I have right now because of Jackson? I drop the pen, leaning forward onto my elbows, digging my fingers into my thick hair in frustrations, letting out a loud growl, grumble type noise.

"I'm home," Allison says, my bedroom door creaking open, "you look stressed," she comments, closing the door behind her, leaning against it. I sigh again, looking over at her. She moves away from the door, taking a seat on the cushioned chest. I spin myself around, facing her.

"I'm in a tough situation," I whisper, "Drew thinks I am still letting Jackson control me," I say, looking down at my socked feet, "I want to let Jung-guk go, I know it's the smart thing to do to keep him safe, and out of the trouble I bring to people," I whisper, "then I also want to keep him as close as possible, not letting him go," I growl in frustrations, "I don't know what the hell I am suppose to do!"

"Thea, Drew's kinda right," Allison says, "you went into your shell, focusing solely on school and nothing else,"

"I know," I whine, "I know and that's even more frustrating! Drew's completely right. If Jung-guk leaves, Jackson wins," I sigh, "I just want him safe,"

"That's all we all want, is for both of you to be safe and happy. Neither will be possible if you elt him leave, if you don't fight for him to stay," I hum, nodding my head. Allison pats my head, smiling at me, "think about it," I nod my head, watching her leave the room. I move myself so I am facing the desk again.

"Fight," I whisper, "it use to be so much easier to accept," I shake my ehad, grabbing my pen again, continuing to work on my homework slowly, mind still preoccupied. After a couple hours of homework, I finally force myself to take a break, heading into the bathroom. I flush the toilet, washing my hands. I look up inot the mirror, an almost complete stranger looking back at me. I shake my head, leaving the bathroom. I grab my phone, unlocking it to read the message.

From Jung-guk: I'm sorry for being so distant, my Dad decided to come "visit".

To Jung-guk: It's okay, I understand,

I drop my phone, rubbing my face softly. I elt out a muffled cry, glaring up at the ceiling in defeat.

"What the fuck?" I hiss, throwing an arm over my face as I flop down onto my bed.

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"Whoa, your Mom let you come back?" Drew questions, looking me up and down before glaring into my eyes, "is your Mom sick?" I roll my eyes, throwing him a fake smile.

"No idiot, I told her I had to come back," Drew hums, "I talked with Allison, she gave me other things to think about. If I stay home, Jackson is winning," I hum, Drew smiling down at me. I switch around my books, looking around the hall, "No Jung-guk?"

"No, he's with his Dad," Drew sighs. I hum nodding, "Thea, his Dad is heavily debating this," I sigh, nodding my head. I head to my first class, mind racing once again. I drop into my seat, the bell ringing. Math goes by slowly, the clock ticking extremely slow. I sigh, chewing on my pen, looking down at the test on the desk. I continue working on the desk, body heaitn gup, a wave of dizziness hitting me hard, the back of my enck starting to hurt even more. I sigh deeply, pen digging into my skin. I continue the test, finishing a few minutes before the bell. I ahnd it in, leaving the classroom. I move slowly into Chemistry, plopping down into my seat.

"Are you okay?" Freya asks, "where's that boy of yours?"

"Not here," I mumble, the bell ringing, cutting the conversation short thankfully. The class moves quickly, the teacher handing out worksheets while some groups start on the lab. I work through both periods, using the time wisely to complete all of the worksheet. I pack up, slipping out of the room, ehading to the Newspaper room for lunch today. I plop down into the chair, a deep sigh leaving my lips. I run my hands through my hiar, letting out a deep breath. I grab my phone, reading Mom's message.

From Momma: We have a business party to go too, dress formal