Red and Blue

chapter 10 Loneliness

Hey guys, sorry for the blurry photo (I'll try to get a better photo). I couldn't get my new dog (hero) to stay still. There's  also my other dog Autumn in the photo. Also I couldn't update yesterday because I had my band concert in school.

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I have everything set up in my house. I was doing some research for the seasons and it seems there's winter,but it's not as cold from were I lived before in my other life.

It seems it's summer at the moment. I'll start getting ready for winter when it starts getting cold. I don't think it will be that bad. Here the worst it gets is negative three.

I plan to get more clothes when it starts to get cold.

At the moment I don't have anything to do. I bought what I need for now. I'll be able to get more hygienic things in a few days when there's a new shipment of goods, from what I've heard.

I've gone to the lake a few times to freshen up. The water is pretty clear, and there's never any traces of anything at all.

I've been trying different fruits to, thought other than practicing my magic I've been getting less, and less of things to do.

I've been starting to get down the basics of magic, though I'm not quite there yet. It seems that the gods were right when they said I'd process magic faster.

It usually takes kids a few months to learn the basics. I've only been working with magic for not even a week. I'm not very happy about that though.

I was forced here against my will, and then got this crazy powers and appearance which I did not ask for. No matter what people say about how there so happy to be reincarnated, well I'm not.

Don't get me wrong, I've been having fun, but in the first place I never wanted to be here. I don't even know what to do. This world loves children but, I don't want to be adopted or meet new people.

I'd rather be alone, like always...

This feeling is starting to come back since I'm not distracting myself at the moment. That empty feeling.

The night drawing closer yet I'm not even close to tired. The pain is coming again, the emptiness.

I look up at the ceiling of the bed. This is the first time I'm able to think of my death and what happened after I died.

Mr. K is probably sad. What about my sister? I hope she's okay. I was the only one to protect her from that man.

I wonder if Mr. K did what I asked?  I sure hope so.

The emptiness is becoming bigger in my heart. I don't have to look at myself to be able to tell that my face is blank and dull at the moment.

My Windows open letting some breeze in, giving a small bit of comfort, though not enough. I stare blankly at the ceiling.

It hurts

It hurts

It hurts...

Why do people say they feel numb? I kind of understand, kind of don't. There's no physical pain, so you can't go to a normal doctor to fix it.

It's there when you least expect it catching you by surprise. Even with someone it could suddenly come at you, but you just keep smiling trying to ignore it.

You keep smiling, while thinking horrible things about your self.    Keep smiling...

If it catches you when all is silent, you do whatever you can to distract yourself be it music, reading, even drawing.

As long as the ghostly pain goes away, but I don't have any of that though, just silence with some wind.

My eyes tear up. I'm remembering things I want to forget, and things I want to remember.

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A hand reaches out. I grab the hand and get up off the sand. I smile. "Hey, I told you I could get up myself." I say childishly .

She laughs at me. " I know, but I want to help. " the girl said laughing. We were walking on the shore of a deserted beach.

The girl stops walking. She turns to look at me, and looks at me with guilt. When I see this I sigh and smile fondly while hugging her.

I tell her, " it's not your fault, it's my own choice. " she looks at me with tears in her eyes. " But I want to be the one to protect you for once. " she says while her voice cracks with trying to stop her tears.

I smile at her gently, " lets not think of those things and finally enjoy some time together. We rarely get to be together. Let us remember about this time we have together, and not think about later " she looks at me sadly knowing what's going to happen after this fun time of ours.

She looks at me, and holds out her pinkie. " promise well always be together. " I smile gently. " I promise . "
' I'm sorry, but sometimes promises are ment to be broken. I think sadly.

She looks at me happily, " come on, let's go and watch the fireworks. " " Yes, I'm coming. "

I smile back at her.

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I close my eyes with tears flowing down. " even then, I knew I couldn't keep the promise, I'm sorry. "

All I feel is,

Empty

Empty

Empty...

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Authors note.

Sooo um, I have know idea what to call the world, it's a new world so I can't call it earth so please comment any name ideas, I'm desperate.😅