He Might Be Bad But He's Mine

Comfortbale silence

Jordan

We were right in the middle in the middle of making out an we were literally like a few minutes away from committing our selves to one another and he just got up and got the door?

I mean I get that the doorbell rang and he wasn't just gonna leave the people out there with our food but he could've at least left me laying here with a little more than a peck.

"Hey babe you gonna come down and eat or do you want me to bring it to you?" I hear James call from the bottom of the stairs.

"Since when are people supposed to have to get up when they order in?"  I ask. He'll probably notice in my tone of voice that I'm not happy right now but I don't really give a fuck because he just left me laying here.

"Guess that means you want me to bring you your food." He says. He kind of sounds like he's upset but I don't really care considering he really just fucking left me here all hot and bothered.

"Here you go babe." He says handing me the bags of food and giving me a fork.

I look at the bags and notice the food inside is in boxes. My guess is some random place he found on google. Exactly what I would've done.

I open up the bag and grab a random box and as I open it I see noodles in the container. I grab the fork I had laid on the bed and start eating the noodles as I see James eating pizza and ice cream.

"What do you wanna watch?" He asks me looking at me and grabbing the remote to the Xbox off the nightstand.

"I don't care. Just pick something." I say not bothering to look at James as I answer.

"Okayy then." He says looking a little curious.

I bet he's thinking...What's up with her? Why's she acting like this? How come she's not acting like she always does?

...Hmmmm...

...Let me see...

Probably because we were about to have fucking sex and you got up and left to get the damn door?!

I just wanna hit him in his face right now. But then he again I don't think he would be too happy about having a black eye and I don't think I could actually do that to his gorgeous face.

STOP THAT! QUIT SAYING HE'S GORGEOUS WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MAD AT HIM!!!!!

Nevermind. Ugh.

I wanna just eat and go to sleep because I feel like things are gonna be strained now because of what he did.

Like seriously how can you just leave me there when I finally thought I was ready? I don't even think I'm mad anymore I'm kinda confused and I kinda just wanna ask him why he didn't tell me he was gonna go get the door. Or why he didn't take me with him. Or just say screw that I want to be with my girlfriend.

Maybe he doesn't want me anymore? or he doesn't think I'm attractive? or maybe he likes or wants someone else? What if he doesn't want to do that with me?

I don't understand. I feel like I'm being a little petty for being mad that he got up to go get the door.

Maybe he just thinks it wasn't a big deal and he didn't mean to make me feel this way. I could ask him but I feel like that would only make thing more awkward.

To just ask, "Hey why'd you get up right when we were about to have sex?"

I can't even imagine that. I don't even have the courage for that.

Is this how he felt when I got up and left him in the bed alone?

If it was how he feel then I truly feel horrible. This is torture. I can't believe that I just got up and ran away leaving him in the bed all alone just because I was upset.

I'm so immature. I never even stopped to consider his feelings and how he must be feeling. or what he must've been thinking. Like the entire world revolved around me. When we are in this together. I should've told him I was a virgin to start with and then that wouldn't have happened. But there wasn't really a good time to be like, "Hey by the way I'm a virgin."

I need to be considerate about what he must be feeling right now. What he's thinking. What he thinks we should do or talk about.

"Babe?" He asks.

"Yeah?" I ask in response.

"We have to talk." He says sounding serious.

In case you don't know James is literally one of the most unserious people I know. He's constantly laughing and telling jokes. This must be bad. What if he breaks up with me? I'd just fall apart even though I swore to myself the youngest I could understand relationships I told myself that I would never be one of the girls who fell apart when her boyfriend dumped her. But it's a whole different ball game when your boyfriend has been your best friend since before you were even born.

"What is it? Are you okay?" I start shooting at him with questions.

"I'm fine I just think that we need to talk about something really serious." He says which makes me worried.

"Okay, I'm listening." I say trying to focus on listening to him and what he needs to talk about.

"Earlier I really liked the thought of what was about to happen between us. But..." He trails off and looks me dead in the eye with those beautiful hazel brown eyes. I look back at him with the exact same expression wondering what it is he's about to say.

"It's okay babe you can tell me." I say trying to sympathize with what he has to say because it's obviously hard for him.

"I'm a virgin too." He says.

I look at him with big eyes.

"What is it?" He asks.

"Nothing. It's just...you portrayed yourself like you weren't." I say trying my best to not sound harsh.

"That explains why you didn't stay with me in the bed and instead you got up to get the door" I say. When that dawned on me I looked into his beautiful hazel orbs once more and all the anger that I had previously felt toward James faded away.

"Thank you for telling me babe." I say leaning over and giving him a peck on the cheek.

"I would never hide something like that from you." He says.

"I don't know if you not having sex with me also had to do with me being a virgin too but we'll learn together. I won't judge you. But I need you to know that I'm not  some fragile flower that you have to be delicate with. I can take it. I'm a big girl. You don't have to be scared because I trust you James. And more importantly I love you." I say remembering when I told him and he comforted me instead of being angry.

"I love you too J." He says.

We lay down and the silence is no longer uncomfortable. I feel safe and at home in his arms.