He Might Be Bad But He's Mine

She always does that

JD

J seems like she's under so much stress. She was acting like I was actually murdered. Poor J. That's so much for her to bear even if it was just a dream if I had a dream about J dying and especially like that I wouldn't know what to do.

I look over at J who's fast asleep in my arms. She's so beautiful. I wouldn't know what I would do if I saw what she saw in her nightmare.

J stirs in her sleep. I look over to her and smile at her just as her eyes flutter open. She opens her amazing blue eyes and looks right at me smiling. Her smile reaches ear to ear.

I guess she's over with the nightmare or she's just really good at hiding it. I hope she's not hiding her pain to make me feel better.

Honestly I love her but she doesn't need to try and hide what she's seeing and feeling just to make me feel better or to try and push her feelings away.

I wish she'd stop doing that.

She always did that when we were little. She would hear something at school or see something somewhere or feel something but she'd never say anything about it. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She carries way too much on her shoulders.

I remember one time when we were little. I specifically remember one time when she was about 12 or 13 and I was about 13 or 14...

**flashback starts**

I watched her walk down the street up to the bus stop and she had her hair tied back in a cute little bun on top of her head and she had her hands stuffed in her pale blue hoodie that brought out her beautiful eyes. She had on a new chapstick that I could smell when she stood next to me. It smelled so good. Almost like strawberry vanilla bean. Her favorite ice cream. Figures she would buy a chapstick that smells like that.

"I'm cold." She said looking at me and then at the ground.

I tried to scoot closer to her to keep her warm but she took quite a large step over to move away from me.

Huh that's new. She's never done that before.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

"Nothing JD" she says still looking at her feet.

"That's not true and you know it" I say.

"I said it's nothing James!" She yells.

I was so pissed that she had just yelled at me because she's not like that and I truly wanted to know what it was but that was pissing me off. I started walking away from the bus stop when I hear her crying behind me. I can't walk away from her while she's crying.

"I'm sorry" she says still crying.

"No. Don't be. I shouldn't have asked." I say.

"Yes you should've" she says looking down at her feet still.

I walk over to her and use my finger to lift up her chin and look her in the eyes.

"You have to tell me what it is" I say.

"I can't" she says trying to pull her chin from my grasp but I put my hand on her neck and pull her closer to me.

I run my hand through her brunette hair and look at her.

"Please tell me J" I ask very quietly.

"Some girls at school... they said some stuff..." she says looking down at my hand on her neck and I see tears roll down her face.

"No J. Please. Don't cry." I say wiping away her tears.

"What the hell did they say to you. They made this beautiful girl in front of me cry. What in the hell did they say to you?" I ask her.

"They said that...that you don't like me. You never did. You hate me. Nobody loves me and especially not you."

"You know that's not true J, I love you, you're my best friend, we've been best friends since we were born."

"You love me?" She asks.

I wanted to tell her so badly that I loved her in a MUCH different way than she thinks I do. I love her more than words can explain. I wanted to reach out and grab her by the waist and kiss her until the world burns down. I wanted to roam every inch of her body. I loved her in a way much more than a best friend.

"You know I do" I say instead.

"I love you too JD" she says smiling.

She runs up to me and throws her arms around my neck and I wrap my arms around her waist.

I feel her nuzzle her face into the crook of my neck.

We never actually made it to school that day. We went back home and hung out all day.

**flashback ends**

I look into her eyes and I silently beg her to tell me the truth about what she's feeling.

"I love you" she says.

"I love you too" I say.

"I'm scared" she says.

Like I wanted she had finally told me what she feels.

"What is it babe?" I asked.

"What if it actually happens? What if they try to actually do that? Babe I'm scared." She says.

"You have no reason to be scared. Nothing will ever happen to me and I will never let anything happen to you. I love you and we will always be together."

"I love you too and I believe you. We'll be together forever."