A whisper of my heart

There are

ten people around me, dancing
and constantly drinking
I'm dancing too
but with depression and anxiety

they're holding each other
while I hold myself

and I held back the tears
and put a smile on my face
why am I such a mess?

what am I doing wrong?

my friend look at me
and I can bet, she knows
but I wink and take the bottle
and his lips are close

I'm avoiding eyes that stare at me in the mirror
always so sad
I wish I could help them
I wish I could save them
and myself

I wish I could be happy