call me again → cmbyn ✔

1- after, but before.

elio ✰° ✧ ⁎ ·˙․

sitting in my room crying, wasn't the best way to spend the last few weeks of summer. although it's what i would've preferred to do, my parents had other plans. they wanted me to go back to school, not that i had to since my eighteenth birthday is in November so legally i no longer have to attend school.

obviously my heart is broken, there's no other way to put it; this summer has been the best of my life, i don't think any others could top it. but now i've lost oliver to his work back in america and i don't know what to do to numb the pain.

my last few weeks of summer were spent: swimming, reading, transcribing music, spending time with marzia ( who was quick to forgive me after our little argument ) and a lot of bike riding and parties.

i couldn't sleep in my room, our room. for the first few days after he had gone. but after about a week i was back in there; it was hard though, because of his scent that was still in the air and all over the sheets even after washing.

it was as if he'd imprinted himself in the air, unmeaningly of course. oliver never likes to be in one place for too long.

my parents have been treating me differently, they've been more careful around me, about what they say and it's driving me crazy. yes, i'm sad about the love of my summer moving back to his home, but it's not like i'll never be able to see him again.

however i've been waiting for him to call since he left, i haven't had any letters or calls and it's been thirty-six days. i find myself pathetic for counting, though i can't help the way i feel. i'm assuming he's busy, he did come here for a job after all; and an experience. heck, he definitely got an experience. so it's nothing to worry about , right?

that brings us up to date with my life. it's currently september the third, oliver left on the twenty-ninth of july.

i still have his shirt, billowy, the one he wore on his first day here. and he accidentally left his red pair of shorts, which i sleep in even though they're too big for me.

"elio!"

it's my mother, probably going to baby me about breakfast and ask me how i'm doing since 'il mio cuore era ferito' [my heart was hurt] she says these little phrases to me too often. she thinks if she says them in my language it'll soften the blow. it doesn't.

i quickly make my way downstairs to my mother, i walked through the living room to find no one, and back through the kitchen to the garden where i see her sitting with my father.

"ciao" i say quietly, all of my actions have become small and timid since the parting. it's as if, oliver isn't here to make me feel safe anymore.

"elio, how was your rest?" my father asked me, briefly looking up from whatever paper he was reading.

"fine thank you" i replied, trying to deflect the question, the truth was i hadn't been sleeping for the last couple of days.

"are you going to eat?" my mother asked, seemingly surprised, as i took a seat with them for the first time since the twenty-ninth of july.

"we think we've found the person who's coming next summer" my father informed me.

"oh, who?" i asked, whilst reaching for the apricot juice.

"a girl" my father spoke with caution, i wanted to scream at him. not because of what he told me but because of the way he's been treating me, bringing a girl into the house wasn't going to suddenly make me kill myself!

"i'm not a child." i say and finish my glass of apricot juice, the way oliver used to, and got up from my seat.

i walked to the pool still wearing oliver's shorts, i had nothing to do for the year except wait for summer just like oliver had joked about with me; i miss him dearly.

i sit on the edge of the pool with my little headphones in my tape-machine and closed my eyes whilst dangling my legs into the cool water. i pull the headphones over my ears and let my music play.

[ vienna - billy joel ]

'slow down you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile'

maybe i rushed our love, in fear of never being able to replicate it with someone else. and maybe in doing so i ruined the newness, the secrecies of the whole thing.

'But then if you're so smart, then tell me
Why are you still so afraid?'

i was afraid, i am afraid of what comes now. i'm clever, i understand things, but this wasn't something you could just understand, this was something totally new that i couldn't learn, and there's so much to fear in what you don't know.

'Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You'd better cool it off before you burn it out'

when did music become therapy? you rush what you want to finish, i rushed because i was so scared we would run out time, and we did. i listened to the rest of the song and a few others before i became bored. my attention span was short when i had no one to occupy my time.

i got up from the pool and walked back to the house, past my parents who tried to get my attention but i ignored their pity. i walked to my room and lay down onto our bed, i know i shouldn't take my anger out on my parents. i know they'd never leave me.

i picked up billowy, which was laying on the ground. i pulled it to my nose and took in long smell. it was starting to lose the smell of him since i wore it so much.

i make a mental note to get another one when i finally see him again. if i see him again.

________________________________

ciao! <3

this book has been one i've wanted to write since i saw cmbyn i've just never had time till now!

yes the updates for this book will be slow but i'll definitely make a huge effort!!

i really hope you enjoyed this chapter as it is 11:12pm here in england but i wanted to get this book started!!

please feel free to leave me a comment or pm me a suggestion if you'd like.

please vote so i know that you want more!

[editing sarah]
to be honest, i thought there would be more to rewrite so i didn't do THAT badly <3

word count : 1132