call me again → cmbyn ✔

8-believe my lies

oliver ✰° ✧ ⁎ ·˙․

sexual frustration

i'd never run more than the second time i visited elio perlman. it felt like constant exercise might numb the burning feeling in my body.

mr perlman had agreed to let me stay on the condition helped him out with his papers like i did the summer previously. it just meant lending an hour or so a day, an hour i could take my mind off of elio.

don't get me wrong i love my fiancé, but there was something different about elio, something innocent almost.

i wanted to stay here, i wanted to leave the worries or marriage and engagement back in america and stay here forever. the truth is i'm not in love with her, not the way i was in love with him. but my parents need me to marry someone that will keep the good name of our family.

after the cheating scandal i never looked at her the same, i ran away to italy and that's what i'm doing now.

i wish i could talk to elio about this, he'd have something smart to say. i'm just confused and in love but i don't know who with.

"oliver...?" i heard my name dragged out.

"what?" i said, breaking from pull off my mind

"did you hear what i said?" mr perlman was understanding of me, i thought i wouldn't be welcomed back after the damage i did to his son.

"no, i'm sorry" i replied, training my thoughts back to see if i could remember

"i said, after we've collected these i'm going to the next city and you can go home if you'd like" he repeated

i nodded and sighed "yes, only if it's okay with you" i looked back out the window at the grey fields, dusted with snow.

"annella isn't in, she's gone to stay with her sister and it's mafaldas day off" he explained, what he was trying to tell me was that it would just be me and elio.

my breath got slower at the thought of it, oh well, can't stop it now.

we arrived in the city and collected the papers, i hoped the time would drag on so i could just go to sleep and it not be weird, mr perlman had other plans.

we walked through the beautiful streets i'd once travelled with elio on our bikes, the train station was near.

i was suddenly caught off guard by the familiar longing sensation. i missed our closeness, i missed the feeling of him.

i remember the way we held each other when we knew it was over, because we both knew it was over.

"i'm going over now, i'll probably be back tomorrow night so make sure to put the fire out before you go to bed" he joked, chuckling and embracing me gently

"i will sir" i nodded and walked back to the car which was about a mile walk, i looked up at the many balconies lining the walls and wondered what it would be like to live here, care free. i made a stop at a corner shop on the way, i was instantly hit with the warm air.

the cold outside was starting to get boring, i missed the summer heat and swimming everyday, never the less i guess i'm glad i'm here.

i found the car a few streets down, i unlocked the door and sat inside the drivers seat. it reminded me of the time we spent together, we meaning elio and i, obviously. when we realised we couldn't do it, we decided to stop fighting.

i started the car and was home in around half and hour, which was earlier than i'd been expecting. i pulled into the gravel drive and got out of the vehicle, locking the car, double checking it was actually locked.

i walked to the oak doors, through the arch ways and into the familiar villa.

"mom?" the faint voice echoed around my head. i heard his footsteps and watched as the brown hair appeared at the door.

"sorry to disappoint" i joked, the slightest smile on my face.

"no, no you didn't" he looked down, visibly sad. it hurt me because i didn't know what to do. i walked towards him, something in my head told me to stay where i was but i didn't want to.

"oliver" he looked up at me, i sighed. the next thing that happened, wasn't good, i wasn't thinking, neither of us were.

our lips connected in a way only past lovers could, my arm slipped round his small waist, it seemed smaller. i disconnected our electricity before it could set fire.

"i'm sorry, that wasn't fair of me" i moved my arm and took a step back.

"no oliver it's fine, i don't care if you have to leave i don't care if you're getting married just don't d-don't stop" he came forward quickly and jumped at me, his lips attacking any bit of flesh he could find. this desperate mess wasn't the boy i left behind.

i pulled his head from my neck and held it between my hands. his eyes screwed shut, the occasional sob escaping his mouth. i wrapped my arms around him and let my face rest in his hair.

we stood together for a while, i wanted to be there for him for all the months i wasn't.

"elio, talk to me" i muttered into his head, my thumb rubbing circles on the small of his back.

"why can't we be together" he asked me, his head raising with his eyes puffy and red.

"you know why" i answered, not pulling away.

"but you don't love her"

"yes i do" i hesitated

"do you really believe that" his eyes blazing

"it's not that simple" i muttered, but yes it was, it really was that simple.

"but you don't love her like you love me" he mumbled.

"don't tell me who i love elio" i lowered my head slightly, the eye contact was throwing me off.

"you love me" he stated, and i knew he was right.

"so what if i do?" i turned back to him

"why did you come back" i hesitated to answer

"really, why" he knew i was going to lie.

"if you know the answer, why are you asking" i drew my eyebrows together

"because i wanted to be sure" he nodded to himself, walking away from me round the corner. i heard the creak of the stairs and knew he was in his room. preparing for me to come upstairs.