call me again → cmbyn ✔

7- how could i forget?

[ a few days later ]

elio ✰° ✧ ⁎ ·˙․

it's been a few days since me and oliver have spoken, i didn't want to talk to him because every time i did my heart grew more and more attached to him and that wasn't what we needed.

i want to apologise for flipping out on him, obviously it wasn't his fault for trying to reason with me i just, feel so alone without him.

"i'm taking oliver out to pick up some papers, we'll be gone for the day" my father appeared at my door, a smile on his bearded face.

"alright" i muttered with a nod, sitting up. my denim shorts leaving a small imprint in my lower stomach under my grey shirt. i rose from my bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

i turned the cold water on and let it run, my head felt full, like an illness. i cupped my hands under the stream and gently splashed it over my face.

i clumsily made my way down the stairs into the quiet kitchen (after pulling a red shirt on, along with some black pants) where my mother stood helping with lunch. i placed my chin on her shoulder, her hand went to my hair where she ran her fingers through slowly.

"what's wrong elio" she muttered, turning her head to look at me.

"nothing" i mumble in reply, moving myself from her. i dragged my body towards the island in the middle of the kitchen and grabbed an apricot, sinking my teeth in.

"well that's not true is it?" she thanked mafalda and walked to the living room, beckoning me to follow. we sat down on the couch in the corner.

"what's wrong mio figlio" she sipped her tea and leaned back in the seat as i sat beside her.

"i'm confused" i admitted, moving so i could lay my head in her lap. her fingers ran through my hair, she sighed.

"this is about oliver?" she questioned, curling my hair around her fingers. i curled up and hid my face in her stomach, groaning slightly.

"elio, whatever you two had. you must let it go at some point in time, ylull hey nothing back from holding, on he's getting married." she said

"i know" i muttered in reply, i sat up. the raw emotion i felt whenever his name entered my mind left my eyes red and watery. it was true, i would have to get over him at some point. but come on, he's living right next to me.

"elio, there are other people" i noticed how she said people and not girls or boys, it made me a little queasy.

"i know" i repeat, letting my hand come to my face. my eyes were watery but no tears had spilt, which i was silently grateful for.

"there are other ways to spend your time, besides i've seen marzia over a lot recently?" she told me.

"she's a good friend mama" i sighed and bit my lip to stop any loose tears.

we spoke for a few minutes longer, she tried to convince me everything would be fine and i tried to believe her.

i lazily walked back to my room, grabbing the book i was fascinated with currently. a short while later, marzia appeared at my door. it was common for people to show up at the house so i was hardly surprised.

"why are you in this room?" she asked, her strong french accent clear.

she had come over to italy for christmas, as it's normally only summer i get to see her.

"oliver's back" i said rather rushed, her face visibly softened as she sat beside me. i hated being babied on this subject. yes it hurt, but i'm fine i'm old enough to cope.

"are you okay?" she asked, leaning her hand on my shoulder after embracing me.

"yes, i'm okay" i gave her a small smile to show i was really okay.

"i don't believe you" she spoke softly

"i don't know marcia, i thought i knew what love was but now i don't know" i muttered

"no one does, not this young" she replied, her hand currently stroking my thigh whilst we both leaned against my bed frame.

"i loved him" i admitted, finally out loud to someone.

"love?" i saw her turn to face me

"why do you think it didn't work with us?" i mumbled

"i knew, most of us did. you weren't subtle" she chuckled, always been a great friend has marzia. most girls would've gone running to tell everyone i was gay.

"i tried to be, you know, subtle" i smiled, i felt the tears coming back and tried to push them down as they weren't necessary

"yeah i know" she smiled "i've got to help my mother with lunch, just wanted to check in. happy hanukkah" she kissed my cheek and disappeared from my doorway.

"bye" i shouted after

i stood slowly, after ten minutes of contemplating everything that's happened in the last year, as i often did in the morning.

i made my way into the living room and sat at the small piano, sleek and black, that stood on the left side of our rather large living room.

my hands touched the keys delicately, i pressed only where necessary. i'd been thinking a lot about composing again, having stopped after the sudden departure of... you know who.

i'd been writing subconsciously in my head, so the movement came naturally back to me. gosh i must've been there for hours before my mother came and interrupted me for lunch.

over lunch with my mother, i was thinking about what to name it. there are three words that have been stuck in my head as of recently, and then it came to me.

i remember everything

those three little words had been a reason i was kept up at night, he was the reason i was kept up at night.

it's hard to get over someone when they live a room down from you, and all you want to do is crawl under their sheets and let them take you again, however they want. you're theirs and they are yours.

and i wouldn't want it any other way.