hopeless crush | ksj

| 10 |

a/n: wassup and im back with chapter 10,enjoy!

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× b r o k e n ×

Warning! This chapter may trigger you in a sad way, please be careful!

For the next few days, i just didn't know what to do. Instead of hanging out with the members, i went back to just eating with army gang. They noticed something was wrong since i usually talk about jin all the time, then they asked me what was wrong and i just poured my heart out while crying at min hee's house.

They tried their best to comfort me, but me being me couldn't get over it and over think a lot, my mood for the next few days was just unsteady, jin was constantly on my mind. Did he want this? Should i talk to him?

Namjoon and the other members came and comfort me whenever they could but i only wanted to see jin...

~time skip to one week before y/n's birthday~

Namjoon and i are very close now. We are kinda like brother and sister. He advices me on what to do about this situation, as he didn't want to see this happening to me as well. I'm also pretty close to tae, jimin and jungkook. They helped me a lot when i was down.

My mom still hasn't come back from her trip, so namjoon kinda lives at my house now for the time being, so he can help me out. Actually nah, the house would be on fire if he did that, let me rephrase that, i do all the help that i need for myself.

~time skip to Monday, 17 December, 5pm~

My mom suddenly came home and i knew she didn't like boys around, or just my friends in general so i quickly moved him out with the window and asked the others to help haha.

"hey mom,,how was your trip?" she ignored me "uhm i wanna ask if i could go celebrate min-hee's birthday, you know it's coming soon and--" "YAH! I give you money to spend on yourself, NOT OTHER PEOPLE! Why bother celebrating your friend's birthday?!? When nobody is gonna celebrate YOURS anyway?!!? The only thing you ask from me is if you can go out! You don't even do good in school! I wish i never agreed to you going to Seoul arts! You don't appreciate the things i do for you!! You just take it and go! And NO! You can't go!!" she threw some money on the floor in anger.

After saying all that, she packed her things and left."Mom! Where are you going!!" she ignored me once again... This always happens...

My heart ached and I just broke down, i cried as quiet as possible, i didnt want the neighbours to hear me cry, they would think I'm weak. Tears rolled down my face as I questioned God : WHY GOD WHY!!! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME! All i wanted was a happy year, yet you gave me this! What wrong have i done to deserve this.... More tears rolled down. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE ONE SUFFERING WHILE OTHERS ARE HAPPY?!??!!! DOES IT MAKE YOU HAPPY TO SEE ME HURT?!! I fell to the floor and cried a puddle of tears. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THERE FOR ME! BUT HERE I AM SUFFERING ALONE! All i ever wanted was to be happy.... I said as another tear rolled down.

Yes, i guess i do so many things for people that when i ever need help, i don't get it, because I'm probably just a toy for them to play with. We all get things in our life, something we love, but as time passes by, we get bored of it, and when we get bored of it, we throw it away. And that's how i feel right now.

I feel so useless to everybody. I'm a good for nothing. They say "people who are the most happy on the outside and the most broken on the inside" and that person..... is me...

I do whatever people ask me to do so i can please them, so that they can be happy, but inside i am sad, why do they always get what they want but i can't get it? But i still do it anyway because i want to see them happy. What a fool, others will say, and that's true, i am a fool.

Another tear rolled down my face, my vision turned blurry and my head touched the ground. *boom*