Get Ready to Run

Chapter Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty Six

 

Will someone, for the love of God, tell me why I keep thinking about Tyler every waking moment of my day? It's gotten to the point where I'm considering it to be unhealthy. No, I know for a fact it's unhealthy.

It took what feels like forever to get over him and move on, but, now looking back, I guess I never really got over him.

And now? I don't know what to do. I still really care about him, that I don't think will ever change, but I also really care about Aiden. My sweet, loving, caring boyfriend who never pushes me to tell him anything I don't want to, who has such a bright future, and most of all, who likes me like I thought no one else ever could.

Then there's Tyler. The boy who fights with me at every turn, returns all my sarcastic comments, challenges my every move, questions all I do and forces whatever drop of information he can get from me. But, he's also extremely thoughtful, loves my little sister like his own, never asks for anything in return, and who also cares for me despite everything I've put him through. And even with all the annoying things about him, I still find myself wondering what could have been.

My whole reasoning for not being with Tyler is simple: Hailey. That little girl is my life, everything. If I taint that possible relationship with all the shit I carry around with me, how will that affect her? Am I meant to move out? And go where? Jacksonville is the definition of small town, I wouldn't exactly be able to avoid him, if it were to come to that. And who am I to take away the happiness of a soon to be eight year old from the one place I've actually seen her happy in for my own selfish reasons?

I guess I tend to only see what could go wrong, and that's a whole other level of issues I need to sort out through, but can you blame me? After everything I've been through, losing the man that I loved most in this whole world, having a mom who went so far off the deep end she left, and worst of all, a psycho who couldn't be happier if he knew me and the rest of my family were dead, how could I not consider the worst? And knowing Tyler, he'd squeeze out the information about my mom and Alexander one way or another. But could he handle it? Would he run for the hills, or what if Alex found me again, would Tyler run with me?

See, this is all that circles my mind when I think about potentially being with Tyler. With Aiden I've never even considered telling him all about my past and technically present, and I suppose that's not all that healthy either, nor is it a good recipe for a long lasting relationship. On some level I don't want to tell anyone, before it was mostly to protect myself and Hailey, well it still is, but now it's also become about not losing the people that mean so much to me. How do I know that if I told Tyler or Aiden they wouldn't leave with a trail of dust in their wake? I've gotten so use to actually having people around that I don't think I could bare being alone again.

And that's what it all comes down to, not wanting to be alone. I lived through that for so long and for so long I thought it was the only way to live. Now having a look at how green the other side of the grass is, I don't want to go back.

And yet the question about Tyler still lingers.

I really need Hayden right now.

...

"Well if it isn't little miss I have a man and a life now." Hayden said, raising a perfectly threaded eyebrow.

I haven't seen her in ages and she's clearly not too happy about that. And, well, just like me, she tends to let you know when she's pissed, never holding anything back.

I gave her an apologetic face, "I brought those sugar cookies you like." I said, holding up a box of store bought sugar cookies that she goes nuts for.