Get Ready to Run

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

I felt broken inside. I was the one who ended­­--whatever this was between us. Me. And yet, hearing him say he understood and not even looking at me, that hurt the most. He wasn't my boyfriend, hell I didn't know what we were, but it felt like I had lost the very thing I wanted to avoid when I said I couldn't be with him.

After he said he understood he made up some fake excuse to leave the room. Believe me when I say I wanted nothing more than to run out that door and take back everything I had just said. But I didn't. I stood in the middle of the four white, emotionless walls, unable to move. Unable to think. I simply stood there, thinking of everything I had just said.

In my head I thought that by doing this, I was avoiding any conflict that could arise from being with him. Only now, thinking about it all, I suddenly realized that I made this situation that much worse. Was he going to ignore me now? Or pretend it never happened but always have that look of hurt on his face, just like the one he had given me when I said I couldn't do this? Either way, I knew things wouldn't be the same. I should have known that. I should have been prepared for that. But I wasn't. I felt numb.

It was scary thinking one boy can make me feel all of this at once. It scared the living shit out of me. Maybe one day, the feelings I have for him will disappear, and I won't have to look at him and wish I could call him mine.

I would have been worried about the car ride home, but I had my mediation to take, which was surely to knock me out for a few hours, so there wouldn't be an awkward four hour drive home. I wanted him to talk to me though. Hell in that moment I wanted him to fight and tell me to forget everything I had said and not think, just do. I secretly wanted him to fight for me. But who was I kidding? We had never even kissed, we had barely even admitted to having  feelings for each other. How was I expecting to have him begging at me feet to take all I had said back.

I was stupid and naive. I couldn't expect anything from him. Except, maybe the silent treatment, which I'm sure I deserved.

I wanted to make all this better, but I didn't know how.  So when I awoke from my slumber and found myself lying on the couch with a blanket on top of me, I knew I had to look for Tyler. I'm positive he was the one who placed me on the couch and left me in peace, which hurt me even more. Despite all the shit I said to him, he wasn't being cruel. Although, I wish he would be, so I could get some emotion out of him.

I walked into the kitchen and nothing. His room, nothing. The bathroom, which I knocked first, remembering my first night here, still nothing. I quickly ran downstairs when I heard a car pulling into the driveway. I opened the door and made my way down the path only to see a minivan in place of where Tyler's Camaro would normally be.

"Sawyer!" Hailey said, running out of the van and wrapping her small arms around me.

Forgetting my troubles, I smiled and embraced my little sister. "Hey pumpkin, I've missed you."

"I don't think a moment went by where she wasn't talking about you." Rachel's mom, Jennifer, said to me.

When I looked up to reply to her, she caught sight of my yellowing eye and the cut I had slightly above my eyebrow, and gasped.

"Sawyer, what happened to you?" She asked coming toward me.

Once she said that, Hailey stepped back and took a look at me, worry and fear showing in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking.

"I went to Portland for a few days and I ended up getting mugged one night. Trust me, it looks a lot worse than it actually is." I gave her a reassuring smile.

It didn't seem to work though, she didn't look convinced. But before she could ask any more questions, I quickly said my thanks and goodbye's to her and rushed back inside the house.