Still pretty??? Mileven ??

98)

A\N IF YOU WANNA TO KNOW WHY IVE BEEN SO LONG READ THE AN AT THE END LOVE YOUS ENJOY XXX
WARNING: SELF HARM
Els POV
I open my eyes. I feel numb and broken. I need to cry but I can't. Hopper puts his head in his hands.
"Hop?"
He snapped his head up and looked up at me, looking as though he should be smiling but he couldn't. He stared at me for a moment longer and I just looked back at him emptily, eyes half closed. Hopper cleared his throat and stood up, walking towards me cautiously and sat precariously on the edge of my bed, reaching out to my hand slowly and lightly taking hold of it as if I'd break if he was too rough. I looked down and back up to his eyes again. Nothing. I felt nothing.
"You've been out a good while kid," he said. I would've answered, but it's too much effort. What's the point? Mikes gone. I would've smiled, but my smiles are mikes. Were mikes. Now he's gone. I just stared at hopper. An empty stare. A nurse walked in.
"Can I talk to you?" Hopper glanced at me. Nod. He left. Darkness. My eyes were closed. I felt as though I was watching everything from a distance, everything going too fast and my thoughts were just me trying and failing to commentate. Silence. Silence. Finally. I opened my eyes. Breathed out. Look around. Door. Bathroom. I swing my legs out of bed and as soon as I make an attempt to stand up a horrific pain stabs my head and down my whole body. I fall to my knees, my head still absolutely hurting like hell. It's horrific. It's like the inside of my head is a blackboard and millions of people with sharp nails are scratching and scratching and stabbing the bottom of my brain with knives made of fire. Jesus this is the worst pain I've ever experienced in my entire life. I pull myself forward still on the floor and drag myself to the bathroom. I slam the door and lean against it, breathing heavily. I stare at the mirror. An idea comes to my head. I slowly get up, the unbearable pain almost killing me. I stopped, and looked at my reflection. I stared at it till my eyes watered then I hit it. I hit and I hit and I hit and my hands were torn and bleeding and my head hurt whilst I was screaming. I looked at the broken glass on the ground and my life just wasn't worth living. My life just wasn't worth living. My life... it just... it wasn't worth living. I looked around. I wiped my eyes though I can't remember crying. My shaking hands reach for the glass. In my mind I see blood, dribbling down my arm. I want it. I want it so bad, I need the pain to know I can still feel things, that I'm still partly here. I don't feel it. I reach up, my head ringing and run the sharp, cool edge over my wrist. Ohhh, it would hurt soooo good...
BANG
I drop the glass.
"El?!? EL!!!" Hopper.
Bang bang bang.
I pick the glass up again and shuffle away from the door. I need this. I grip it tight and it tears into my palm. I drop it, and blood is trickling down my arm, slowly but thickly. It feels so good. It hurts like a bitch but god I love it. I look down at my hands. My legs are now covered in it. Wow that really is a lot of blood... Oh god what have I done...
Hop.
Hoppers gonna be so worried...
"Is she in there?!? El?!? Eleven!!!" Richie.
Wow I had no idea how much I missed his voice.
"P-please d-d-dont come i-in..." I said. My voice came out shaky and small and broken. The banging stopped.
The doorknob turned and I jumped back, not realising how skittish I was and smashed my already excruciatingly painful head in on the sink. Jesus Christ there is a LOT of blood. I feel a warmth spread through me and I suddenly feel really tired.
"Come back!! You aren't meant to leave your room!!" Dustin screamed, running down the hall. More bangs on the door.
Sleepy. Tired.
Eyes closing.
"Where is she? Eleven?!? Eleven!!"
I know that voice...
I know that voice very well...
I love that voice...
That voice shouldn't be here...
That voice died...

That voice was Mikes.

I tried to fight the drowsiness. Too tired. Slipping away. So much blood.
Blacking out...
blacked out.

A\N YEAH, THATS IT, AND IF YOU DONT CARE ABOUT THE ABSENCE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE NOW, BUT FOR ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT, MY COUSIN DIED. WE WERE REALLY CLOSE AND IVE BEEN REALLY, PROPERLY DEPRESSED. I THOUGHT OF DOING AWFUL THINGS TO MYSELF AND JUST CUT MYSELF OFF. I DIDNT HAVE ANY EFFORT TO DO ANYTHING. BUT IM REALLY SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT, AND IM BACK NOW. I REALLY LOVE YOU A LOT, SO SO MUCH BYEEEEE XXX