Jagi ♡ OT7/Reader FF ♡ Complete ♡

Chapter Nineteen (1/2)

Yoongi.

I've never really opened up and spoken to anyone about what happened before the organization, what's the point? The whole reason for signing my life away on the dotted line was to leave Min Yoongi behind and become Suga, such an odd name for my role within our group.

I do the job nobody else has the fortitude to do, who wants to get their hands dirty with the blood of others when they can do something less emotionally stressful? The answer is pretty evident.

I would rather be an assassin like Jungkook as he doesn't have to look them in the eye when he pulls the trigger, it's quick and methodical.

There's nothing quick or methodical about my job.

I can remember with astounding accuracy the eyes of every single person I've ever had to torture for information.   

I can remember their screams and begs for mercy.

I can remember the moment they died, that brief moment of fear that flashed through their eyes as the end drew near. That fear was soon replaced with relief because at least the pain would be over soon and they could finally rest.

I've never really experienced love or what it feels like to be wanted, the life of an orphan will do that to you I guess.

I don't remember my parents, earliest memory I've got is living on the streets with a group of 'ragtags' as our self proclaimed 'leader' liked to call us. I guess you could say we were the modern day  Fagin and Oliver, stealing from those with money so that we could survive.

I was eighteen when the group decided I just wasn't of use to them anymore, too old to blend easily into the crowd and so without so much as a second glance they kicked me out and let me walk away. Tragic really, they were the only family I ever really knew and even they cast me aside.

I trained myself to be cold and distant, why be anything else when it only ended up with you broken.

I was discovered by the organization after getting myself involved with illegal street fights, I was known for my ruthless ability and cold demeanor but once the organization knew of my background and lack of emotional ties they approached me and I joined them without hesitation.

I trained with five other recruits

Taehyung
Jimin
Jungkook
Hobi
Jin

and shortly after the six of us were introduced to our leader Kim Namjoon.

I didn't know much about the organization and in all honesty didn't really care, they gave me a sense of purpose and a roof over my head and that's all that mattered to me.

I kept my distance from the guys at first, refusing to form connections because eventually everyone walked away from me yet something was different this time around.

They became my friends and then months later became my brothers, life just wouldn't make sense without them. I won't deny that we've been through many trials and tribulations, nothing has ever been black and white with us and we've had our fair share of disagreements but they showed me love and what family is supposed to be.   

I guess that's why I took the job as  interrogator, I didn't want the other six having to endure the horrors of what that role can do to a person....I wanted to protect them from that.

I wake up most nights with the blood-curdling screams of those killed still haunting me, taunting me in this life and most definitely  following to my next.

I'm a tortured and broken soul, my heart filled with such pain I sometimes find it difficult to breathe. Have you ever felt that? Have you ever felt such crippling emotional pain that you just want to feel something else even if that means causing physical harm to yourself or another just to make that emotional trauma leave you be for just one damn second.

I understand why Taehyung is so obsessed with this woman, I understand why he feels so strongly for her before even really spending time with her.

It's the desire to be normal, it's the obsession to have something more besides this world of pain we're stuck with on a daily basis.

Y/N represents what the seven of us can never have

Love

Acceptance

Happiness

Peace

I know this feeling because shortly after joining the organization I met a woman who soon became my obsession, she thawed my heart and made it beat again yet a year later..........I killed her.