Sarah stood outside the door for a long time. Over and over, she mumbled her mantra, “Strong heart, strong mind” Gathering all her courage, she rang the doorbell and waited for the inevitable. She heard some shuffling steps on the other side of the door and the knob turned. The door opened and she was greeted by an elegant woman, wearing a tunic dress with a white background hand painted with splashes of vibrant colors. Her hair was set in a low chignon and she was wearing low heeled open toed dark red sandals. Her eyes were mirrors of her own. The lady gave her a small smile and gestured for her to come in. She directed Sarah to the living room area of the suite and she sat in one side of the couch.
Divine then seated opposite her. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. Sarah’s were dry. She felt numb. She was not angry nor was she happy. It was possible to be in limbo, she told herself. As far as she was concerned, this woman was a stranger.
“Sarah, kumusta ka?”
“Siguro po, wag na tayong magpaligoy ligoy pa. Let’s just start and get this over and done with.”
“Yan ba yung mga sulat?” Pointing to the bag by Sarah's foot.
“Yes, binigay sa akin ni Yaya. One for every week you were gone? How sweet! “ Sarah’s tone was dripping with sarcasm. “ I haven’t read everything but i’m sure I’ll be entertained.” Nagsimula nang makaramdam ng galit si Sarah.
“Naiintindihan ko anak. Karapatan mo na magalit. Nagkamali ako sa desisyon ko. I could’ve handled things better and ...sinubukan kong bumalik pero huli na...ayaw na ng daddy mo.”
Sarah interrupted Divine and said “Sana naisip mo yan bago ka umalis....” ....she then caught the tail end of her statement and asked, “ Teka...bumalik ka?”
“I went to Europe to start my career as a jazz singer. Underground scene in the beginning but word spread and medyo nakilala. Pero walang kahulugan yung konting success ko. Bumalik ako one year after I left. I begged your father to let me in. Kahit gawin niya akong katulong, makasama lang kita. But he wouldn’t budge. Kahit anong pagmamakaawa ko...huli na ang lahat sabi niya. And so, I found a way to make sure you’re alright.”
“ By writing letters? You call that mothering?”
“No Sarah....” She leaned forward and tried to touch her daughter’s hand but Sarah moved it away. “Lumaki ako sa ampunan pero hinanap ko siya para sa ‘yo...”
Divine then stood up and went inside the room. Sarah was perplexed with what Divine was up to. She heard some voices and out came Divine holding the person Sarah held dearly...
“Yaya?”
“Sarah anak, wag ka magalit sa akin. Ako ang lola mo. Hinanap ako ng nanay mo para alagaan ka. Sino ako para tanggihan ang anak na pinabayaan ko sa ampunan. Napakabata ko pa nung nabuntis ako at di ko alam kung paano maging ina kaya ko siya pinamigay. Ayaw man kitang lokohin pero ito lang ang paraan para masiguro namin na maayos ka anak... “
“Yaya...Lola kita? “ Napayakap ng mahigpit si Sarah sa kaisa-isang babaeng tinuring niya na ina.
Tumango ng paulit-ulit si Lola Novie at mahigpit ding niyakap ang alaga.
“Alam ni Daddy?”
“Hindi anak...” Matagal nilang kinimkim ni Divine ang sikreto. Alam nilang maaaring paalisin sila ni Delfin kung malaman nito na may kinalaman si Yaya Novie sa asawang itinuring niyang nagtaksil sa kanya.
After their embrace, Sarah faced her mother and timidly said, “Thank you po. She was more than a mother to me...”
“That’s the only thing I can give you. Si mamang gave me updates often about you ...I told her na ipunin niya yung mga sulat ko sayo para balang araw, may pag-asa akong makikilala mo ako at mapapatawad mo. Wala akong karapatan hingin ‘yan sa ‘yo ngayon pero ipagdadasal ko.”
