OPIA

Chapter 15

I still like you, anyways.

I still like you, anyways.

I still like you, anyways.

Shit. Shit. Shit!

"Sinabi mo talaga yun?" Vane said, excitement was visible in her voice. Para na ngang tatalunin niya ako from her seat para lang mayakap ako nang mahigpit. Kung di lang ako namamatay sa hiya ngayon, baka kanina ko pa siya nabato ng throwpillow.

"Shut up. I don't want to think right now," I replied, burrowing my face on the throwpillow. Bigla siyang napasigaw. Napaangat ang ulo ko nang aksidente niya akong nasipa. I stared at her unbelievably.

"Ay, sorry, sorry. Eh kasi naman, girl!" I glared at her nang akmang hahampasin niya ako. Tumawa lang siya at sinabing, "Anong reaksyon ni Eero?"

Natigilan ako. Napabuntong-hininga. "I... I don't know. Parang binalewala niya lang."

I remembered it clearly - the unreadable expression on his face. And the silence.

Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya. Maraming segundo rin ang lumipas bago ko na-realize kung anong ibig sabihin ng mga salitang kusang lumabas sa bibig ko. I was schocked. Siguro siya rin. The silence between us was the proof of it.

Yung init - yung gaan na nararamdaman ko sa kabila ng malakas na tibok ng puso, nahaluan ng kaba. Our hands were still clasped together. Walang bumitaw. I would've taken it as a good sign. Pero si Eero itong kasama ko.

Pwede siyang bumitaw nang di binibitawan ang kamay ko. Mawawala siya nang sandali, at pagkatapos ay babalik na parang walang nangyari.

My words were vague. He can just turned it down and say that he likes me too, as a person or as a friend, dahil yun naman talaga kami. But he didn't. He remained silent. That moment, alam ko na agad na alam niya kung ano ang tinutukoy ko - my feelings for him.

Finally, I looked up at him. Nakatingin lang siya sa harapan, almost not blinking. His expression wasn't readable and he was pursing his lips so hard, jaw clenched, that it made me want to withdraw what I said.

But if I do, it's like I can't be responsible with what I feel. Na di ko kayang panindigan.

Hindi ko na binawi. Pinabayaan ko na lang.

I heard him intake a deep breath. Pinakawalan niya yun nang dahan-dahan. Nanginginig. I was just beside him. I can feel it. I can hear it.

He then slowly tugged me hanggang makarating kami sa table cloth na nakalatag sa bato, mas malapit sa cliff, papalapit sa mga ilaw na malayo sa amin. He started telling me his rendevouz para ma-i-set up itong date namin. He was smiling, but he keeps avoiding my eyes.

Nakakapagod.

Sumakay na lang ako at ngumiti sa paraan na gusto niya. Like, I had never said anything important. O baka sa akin lang importante at hindi sa kanya.

Walang explanation.

Walang linawan.

"Gosh, you're really crying."

I was still sitting on the long sofa as I hugged the throwpillow harder on my face. Nakatingala ako, just completely tired of thinking - of worrying for something that I shouldn't 'cause both of our feelings weren't valid. Or just mine alone. Wala ako sa lugar para masaktan.