Secret Door

Eight

The weekend rolled around with texts from Alex coming at the speed of one every hour. I was irritable and tired at 4 in the afternoon sitting on the sofa, watching TV but not really paying attention. I checked my phone obsessively, but the screen was always blank. I was becoming fed up with Alex as the days passed, and I considered going out to try and meet a girl, or another guy, or any type of person really, just to help me move past him. 

I felt my eyes drifting off, staring out of the window behind the TV until my vision was blurry. I thought about holding Alex and how soft he was against me, his fingers curling around mine like a child. I thought about how kissing him felt more magnificent than I had ever imagined and how eager he had been only a few nights ago, his quiet smile peeking up from behind his usual facade. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and I slumped down further into the couch cushions that were slowly suffocating me. I was pathetic, I knew that, but once I had gotten just that one chance, after years of holding myself back, it was like everything I had ever bottled up came gushing out too quickly for me to mop up.

As I disappeared in my daze, I heard the distant sound of my phone ringing beside me. I felt sluggish as I picked it up, like the phone weighed too much for me to handle. I swear I almost dropped it. My eyes were still blurry, and I didn't check the contact name, just answered the call.

"Hello," I mumbled, rubbing my face. 

"Hey...Mi...." I heard his voice and I felt my heart speed up rapidly. 

"Hi, Alex," I said, more alert this time. I couldn't believe what was happening.

"You already said hello...." he remarked quietly, laughing affectionately at me. I could almost see the smile on his face. 

"Right. Sorry. What do ya need?" I asked, trying to remain composed.

"I don't need anything. I wanted to see if you would fancy havin' a drink with me and the boys a bit later tonight. I just haven't seen ya in a while." 

Alex's voice was crackly over the line as he spoke slow, leaving silent pauses in between words that somehow soothed me. I almost gave into that soft way he spoke, leaving me breathless, but I wasn't about to fall for any of this again.

"What do ya mean, you haven't seen me? You haven't made any effort to see me! You barely text me, and this is the first time you called since Tuesday!" I blew up without meaning to. 

Alex was quiet for a moment. I felt sick immediately after I had said it. The tension was clinging to the line like heavy syrup.

"Miles...I've been busy..." Alex stated, his voice drifting. 

I laughed bitterly. "What a fucking load that is, Alex," I mumbled. Too exhausted by him to even care anymore. 

"Look, Miles, I'm really sorry, honestly. I'll make it up to you, just please come tonight."

"Where have I heard that one before.." I muttered, trying to stand firm in my anger, but still slowly losing it to the sound of his apologies. A pause ensued before Alex spoke again, his tone lighter.

"Fine. Don't come. I was gonna buy your bloody drinks you complete fucking wanker." he grumbled, only sounding slightly furious.

I smiled in spite of myself. "Well. That's just an offer I can't refuse." I said, making Alex laugh on the other end.

"I'll come. As long as you don't fucking ignore me," I told him, almost sternly, trying to keep myself together as I thought about the prospect of seeing Alex again. 

"I won't!" Al promised, his voice raising up to a bit of a whine at the end. 

"Alright, I'll see you in about an hour, then?" I asked, smiling so much my cheeks hurt.