Secret Door

Twenty-Two

"Be safe." 

Those were Archie's words this morning before he disappeared out the door to do god knows what.

I had just wordlessly nodded. 

"Be safe." something so nonchalant and typical. Any couple could say those words to each other casually, out of habit more than anything else, but the implications today were of something more. Archie knew I would plan on seeing Miles. I also knew Archie would plan on being gone all day. I never knew exactly what he did in all those hours, but I knew how he worked: gone all day then home to sleep for a few before leaving again to be gone all night. This flat was just a place to rest his head, and that's why those bleak walls always seemed to stare me down and seep into my brain. They were empty of anything besides cigarette smoke. 

I waited about 20 minutes, giving Archie enough time to leave, and leave for good. I knew he would wait outside for just a while longer after telling me he was off because he knew I would do this. He was so possessive already. My sex must be pretty bloody good. I smiled to myself. I was sure Miles would get a laugh out of that. 

I picked up my phone. My home screen was still a picture of us. I looked at it for a minute. His eyes were shining like they always do, and his arms wrapped around my waist. I was kissing his cheek with my eyes closed. Miles' smile was heart-wrenching. I don't remember who took the picture. Hell, I don't even remember where it was taken. One morning after a party I was checking my phone when I saw it in my camera roll, among a bunch of blurry selfies taken by other people and accidental pictures of flashes of light. Among all the rest of that shit, was that one picture; perfectly in focus and incredibly beautiful. 

I sighed, and clicked on my messages. I started typing in his name. It still had a little pink heart emoticon next to it. Miles had put that there. I didn't even know where he got it from. Apparently it comes in another keyboard on the phone, but even that confused me. Lots of Miles' contacts had other little pictures like that next to them, but his was the only one in my phone with one. The simple little heart with a blue arrow piercing through it jumped off the screen when you passed it by. I clicked cancel and hit the home button. There was his smile again. 

---

I arrived and didn't bother knocking, I still had my key. I was nervous as I twisted the knob, pausing for a moment. I was here to get the rest of my stuff. 

I walked in, closing the door as quietly as I could. It was, like, 10 AM, so there was no doubt he'd be asleep. I was thankful because I knew if I saw him it would destroy me. I was here to get the rest of my stuff. My first goal was to get my records and player. I headed for the record bin where Miles' kept both his and mine. I rounded the corner, determined and swift, until I was stopped dead in my tracks at what I saw. 

Miles was laying on the sofa, completely coked out, but still conscious, I stood totally still. I was even afraid to breathe. His head was rolling from side to side slowly and his eyelids were drooping, lined with a slick stain of oily sweat. His black shirt was halfway unbuttoned, wrinkled, and dusted over with small specks of white. The coffee table was adorned with one of our small mirrors, my secret stash of coke, and crumpled bills. It was all so melodramatic, like a scene from a movie, but that's probably why the both of us liked doing cocaine so much. Every part of it was so cliche, and so sickly glamourous, so pretentious. 

I felt a surge of anger at the sight of him. He stole my drugs, first of all, and then he had the nerve to tell me I needed rehab while he was the one OD-d on cocaine like it was his first time doing the stuff. I stood pissed for a minute, consumed in a hot rage, until my train of thought properly caught up with me. 

He had overdosed. He really had overdosed. He could be dead. He could be fucking dead because of me. I had no idea if this had happened last night after the fight or just this morning. I looked at his immobile state.