Secret Door

Ten

The rest of the day was a blur of emotion and beauty, of Alex, this new Alex, and absolutely nothing else.

He was needy and sweet and...mischievous. It was uneasy for me when he would snuggle in close to my neck and let his lips graze my skin, his hand wandering down my chest with that tempting air about him. As far as I wanted to fall into this abyss, I couldn't help but approach him carefully when he whined for a kiss. I was teetering on the edge so deliberately that I was surprised at myself for being so successful. Maybe everything was too overwhelming and there was no other choice but to sit back and watch Alex transform into this perfect image of what I had always dreamed of. 

"Mi.." his soft voice breathed out on my arm as we enjoyed each other and telly on the sofa. 

"Hmmm?" I asked, my arms subconsciously tensing up at the prospect of any type of new development. 

"Fetch me a glass of wine, will you?" 

I stopped. It was 8:30 in the evening, not a particularly unreasonable time for drinks, but I had been thinking a lot about how Alex acted under the influence. I had been thinking about it a bit too much. 

"Bit early," I remarked non-chalantly, my fingers curling up in a fist he couldn't see on the arm of the sofa. 

"Fine," he huffed, "cigarette, then?"

He grinned up at me from my lap where his head was laying. I opened his pack sitting on the coffee table and pulled one out. I hesitated, looking at him, eyes averted to the set, hands cradled on his chest softly and delicately.

I leaned over and slipped the cigarette in between his parted lips. He turned his face back up to me. His eyes were wide and endearing and my heart was melting into my stomach. 

I lit the cigarette and he puffed smoke out, curling up to reach me. I watched the way his mouth moved and the whole room was so quiet. 

I was so close to falling over that cliff. 

Alex sat up and crawled into my lap, his face sitting in the space between my neck and shoulders and his arms relaxed around me. I kissed his hair and stroked it while he remained silent. I felt his elbow clench around my neck as he took another smoke. I wished he hadn't loosened that grip.

"I don't wanna tell anyone yet," he was quiet, but I couldn't hear anything else anyway.

"Tell them what?" I suspected, but I was afraid to get too caught up in my hopes.

"About this.." he muttered before another clench of the elbow and clench of my heart.

I waited for a moment before speaking again and listened to his heartbeat mimicking mine on the bones of my chest. Here was the moment of truth, the final decision, the turning point and ,soon to be anniversary, if I played my cards right. 

"So you're for real this time then?" this was my eloquence. 

I felt his chuckle move through my chest and wrap itself around my heart. "Yes, I'm 'for real'."

At the end of his sentence and my sigh of relief, he pulled away from my neck and leaned over the coffee table to put out the small end of his cigarette that was left. I kept my arm around his waist as he leaned back into me, the smell of smoke permeating his hair and clothes and sending shivers down my skin. I was loose and free now, my hands roaming like his were this morning as I settled into a new realization.

My fingers gripped the bottom of his t-shirt and we repeated a scene. 

Alex's hands clutched mine, pulling the fabric from his skin and letting it fall to my side in a soft grace. I touched his shoulders so softly, so carefully, and he sighed deeper into my embrace. His skin was so warm. I instantly felt drowsy and drunk and incapable. 

"It's chilly, Mi.." he mumbled. 

I laughed, planting a small kiss on his neck before crawling around him into my room to fetch a blanket.

Once alone my heart was rushing. The thought of Alex, tired and beautiful in my living room without a shirt on, was making my mind whirl. Remembering everything that had led up to this was a frantic impulse of my brain. I grabbed the blanket from my bed quickly and dangerously high off of him, I went back. 

"Here you are, love," I said softly, not meaning to let the last part come out. Alex blushed the softest pink on the bones of his cheeks and I pushed past it, kissing him where he was embarrassed. He turned and picked up the kiss with his lips and I was lost. Something was different. The way his mouth moved, the way he tasted, the way he smelled. Something was so much more magnificent when he kissed me again. As it happened, his arms curled around the blanket, curled around me and we were soon falling into each other in the warm fabric. I smiled against him and wrapped my arms around his waist liked I loved to do. 

He buried his head in my chest when he pulled away. 

"You're so warm," he almost whispered into me, clutching my shirt. "I almost don't need the blanket."

Then the clutching of my shirt turned to tugging and his lips were pressed to the skin of my chest. He didn't say anything but I knew he could hear my heart pound as he pushed his weight into me, making us fall over on the couch, him laying on top of me.

"Turn off the TV please..." 

I obeyed so quickly. His face lay on my bare chest, facing away from me and I could feel his voice all over me.

"Are you tired?" I asked, cautious of the answer.

"Not really," he said with an almost undetectable edge to his voice.

His head turned and he wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling his face up closer to mine and brushing up against me in the worst way possible. I detoured before I could let my body get the best of me.

"I am," I confessed. I saw disappointment linger on his face for a flicker of a second. 

"But I guess you aren't going home tonight, huh?" I remarked to make him smile.

"Not a chance. You've got me and now I'm sticking around," he mumbled into me, looking up at me from his position on my chest. I looked at him and his intriguing eyes, tugging at my heart and pulling me down face first into that abyss.