Secret Door

Six

The crowd was losing their fucking minds as the two of us walked on the stage. Alex laughed, smirking at me as he did. My heart was pounding so hard and I had never been more excited to perform this song. It had been so long since we had performed it together. I mean, maybe it hadn't been that long and my obsessive mind just dragged out the lengths of time between the moments Alex and I spent together. Whatever it was it was torture, and I needed release.

"How about Miles Kane, everybody..." Alex murmured into the mic, still killing me with that awful smirk.

He tapped the tambourine against his hand playfully as the crowd cheered for us. I felt myself blushing and sweating and smiling like a moron, but I knew I wouldn't mess up. I could never mess this song up no matter how intense the situation was. 

I started playing, keeping my eyes on Alex without even trying to hide it. He looked at me too, more than usual, more than ever. He made funny faces and exaggerated the words, while doing those little hip movements and tapping on his ridiculous tambourine. 

I danced a little too, mostly to amuse Alex, which it definitely did. He just tried to one-up me though, and it worked. He had never been this energetic during this song, and he had never looked so genuinely happy during this song. It was as if something had been holding him back until now. I felt in awe of how beautiful he was. 

During the solo part, Al danced over to me, and got up close to me by the mic. He was close, he was so fucking close, up against my ear and barely able to reach the mic. He was crowding my space for playing guitar, and I could feel sweat from his hair dripping onto me. My heart was beating so loudly against my chest I figured I needed to step away from the microphone or else the entire festival would hear it, blasting through the speakers and shattering the equipment. 

I started singing, and it was a miracle I even could. Alex joined in, making sure our faces were touching as he did, and my hands were shaking trying to play the chords. I wanted to close my eyes to focus, but I wanted to be as aware of Alex as I possibly could be, so I sang on, losing myself in his eyes as he stared at me and sang, pulling overdramatic faces and still dancing against me.

During the last line, Alex leaned back, resting his head on my shoulder, and sang along with me. I couldn't even think straight and I didn't want to. I didn't want to think about what any of this meant or how it was going to have to end in just a few seconds. I didn't want to think about how after this miraculous moment was over, Alex would go back to being uninterested. After this moment had lapsed, Alex would probably go in search for a model status girl in the crowd and they'd hit it off. After this moment was over, Alex would definitely not be searching for a too slim, tall, lanky and horribly awkward and obsessive bloke with a heart that had been beating with adoration for him for way too long. 

As the song closed, Alex pulled me in for a hug, and I sighed against his sweaty skin. This had been too emotional for me, and he just seemed to keep dragging it on. Why was he such a stubborn little flirt? Did he have absolutely no control? I was sick to my stomach with a thousand various feelings, each one more complicated than the next.

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At the end of the Arctic Monkeys encore, I started walking off the stage, too drained to even try to say goodbye to Alex. I lit a cigarette as I walked, and I stared up at the faint light of the stars against the oppressive black sky. They were slowly sinking further back into the color of the sky as the minutes ticked by. I blew smoke up, and it clouded the stars even more, making them blink and shudder softly against the glistening haze of chemicals floating up to destroy the stars like they were destroying my lungs. 

"Hey, Miles!" I heard his voice, and I didn't want to even bother. Alex was so fun for a while, and I rode on such a high when he was near me, but I crashed and burned out like the stars above my head once he left my side and  I couldn't let the cycle control me any longer. I pretended I didn't hear him, but he was persistent.