Secret Door

Five

-Miles-

A space of two weeks had separated Alex and I since that day so full of stormy emotions. I had been glad to finally get away from him and all the stress it caused me to be around him. I was so nervous to see him again, though. He had made it clear he wasn't interested the last time we talked, but that still didn't explain his actions. It didn't matter though, he didn't need to have any real reasoning for not being attracted to me and I promised myself I was fine and I was going to leave him alone.

Would it be awkward between us now, though? I was so scared to see him and to see how he would act towards me. I never knew Alex to hold a grudge, but this fight had been something on a different level. It was all inevitable, anyway, as the day of the festival we would be playing togther drew nearer.

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I played earlier in the day than Alex and the guys, so that explained why I didn't see Alex during my set, but somehow it still only heightened my nerves and made me feel sick. 

"They probably haven't even arrived yet," I told myself, trying to lessen the pain of the situation. I told myself that Al wasn't still angry with me, and that if he'd been there he would have been sidestage. I wasn't confident in the truth of that statement. 

During Come Closer, I literally couldn't stop thinking about Alex, and I almost messed up the song due to it. At the end of the show I went to grab a beer, and saw Al doing the same

In a white button up shirt that I loved, with gray pants and dress shoes without socks, he stood with his hand on his stupid little hip, sipping a beer and looking around through tinted aviator sunglasses.

I decided I wouldn't be the first to speak. 

I started walking that way, and his gaze caught me halfway there. 

He raised up his hand to wave, and I smiled in response, my mood lightening instantly. 

"Hey, mate!" he exclaimed, surprising me by pulling me into a hug. It seemed a little longer than usual, but maybe I just wished it had. His hand lingered on the small of my back though, without a fucking doubt his hand sat there after the hug, maybe for just a few extra seconds, but my skin burned when he pulled away. 

"Sorry we missed your set. The lads and I just got here."

"See, " I told myself. "Stop freaking out."

"No problem, mate. Didn't miss much," I laughed. 

"Nah, you're always great," he said quietly.

There was a brief moment of silence that no one besides us would have even caught, but that seemed so deafening to me. 

"You'll still watch us, though, right mate?" Alex touched my shoulder as he said it. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the gesture, just a clap on the back like friends always do, but I felt so hyper aware of his hands. 

"Of course, Alex," I grinned, drinking my beer to hide a smile.

Alex smiled obviously though, and it was that cheeky knowing smile again, like he was laughing at his own inside joke. 

We walked around the festival together for a while, and Al never showed any awkwardness towards me, but I also noticed that we never brought up the subject of the fight. I tried to tell myself that that wasn't a bad thing, but it was hard to convince myself when I still felt like I needed some sort of weird closure. I was being disgustingly selfish. 

Alex walked close to me, almost as close as I usually walked to him, and I felt strangely annoyed. This was the definition of mixed signals. These were the types of stunts he always pulled that made me question if he was actually interested.