happy endings are for fairy tales // kiani au

TWENTY-SIX: WILL

6 august 2017

i don't remember the last time i felt this relieved. ending the silence with jordan was one thing, coming out to liam was another, even if i hadn't laid my whole bare soul for him to see yet. finally, something feels right amidst all the wrong. maybe i'll get a break after all the sadness.

my trip back to the dorms after lessons were almost always a time for me to beat myself up about everything that happened. if it wasn't me who did it, it would be jordan's friends. and surprisingly, neither have taken the job for the past 3 days, including this one. the sun beats down on my hoodie, and though it bothers me, it feels good to be absorbed in the warmth, a permanent hug around my body that won't let go.

the air lingering around the empty seats under the dorms is still. not surprisingly either, most people in dorms are either popular dumbasses who wanted an easy way out of their parents' house, or rejects that were kicked out by their own parents because of their problems. both are usually outside fucking around or hadn't even left their dorm because they were too hung over to attend classes. i don't complain, i like the quiet.

"will!"

i don't need to turn around to know who it is, but i do anyway to face him, a fear of mine yet a blessing too, "what the hell? jordan? what are you doing here?"

his footsteps cease to exists as he slows down to look at me. his hair is tousled into mini curls and there's a sheet of paper in his rough hands. artist hands, i used to think, before they became those around my neck. we continue to stare at each other in silence, both waiting for the other to say something. jordan finally looks away and coughs, as if breaking free from the trance.

"i drew something," he says with a mischievous grin, flipping over the page like an excited toddler showing his parents his first painting. he really still is a kid at heart, i think while i try to figure out if it's cheesy, immature or cute, "like it?"

i bring my attention to the drawing instead of his actions. a smile spreads across my face almost immediately at the relief of his drawing: a hippo, "aww... it's so.. pretty."

"do you wanna keep it?" he asks.

i frown in disbelief, "what..? no! you drew it, keep it."

"ouch, will. i made this for you, y'know?" he says in response with a hint of a defeated laugh.

"you did?" jordan.. drew something for me? why? what for? a warm feeling rises in my chest and i urge it back down into my stomach, forcing acid to devour that emotion into nothing.

"uhh.. yeah?? i wouldn't have stalked you all the way here just to tell you i drew a picture of a hippo, would i?" he deadpans. i let the frown on my face loosen as a look of judgement sweeps across my face instead.

"you stalked me? how fucking creepy," i comment sarcastically, adding a tease into my tone to string him along. the fluster on his face is made obvious with the slight blush on his cheeks– success.

"not in that way! just.." jordan hesitated and tries to find a better word, "... followed,"

"jesus, jordan. get your priorities straight," i mock.

"oh shut up, nerd! do you want it or not?" he lifts the drawing midair, lingering between the empty space between us. his face reflects hope as he looks me in the face, a tint of doubt gleaming in his pupils. as if i would reject something from him that he made for me. there's the warmth again, but i allow it to thrive.

"i'll take it, it's really beautiful," i reach for the piece of paper like a prize to be taken. had i not underestimated the length of our fingers, our fingers wouldn't have brushed past each other. but they do. how long ago did our hands gently stroke each other like this? i swallow and end the moment quickly to avoid the tense atmosphere from coming back again.