Naruto One-Shot (Yaoi)

Running red lights

Shikamaru, Chouji, and Kiba leave Naruto in the car when they go into the KFC, and Naruto would complain except he knows his reputation proceeds him enough that he's probably already on the ban list despite never entering the building. The only place he's safe is Ichiraku's, and that's only because old man Teuchi was the only store-owner he respected enough as a kid not to steal from.

He feels a bit like a five year-old, but then again in this group he might as well be. They only pulled over because of his and Kiba's chanting, to which Shika limited them each to a kid's meal and a large coke to share- a deal Chouji was under no circumstances subject to, the fucker, who smiled at his boyfriend because he knew he had him whipped- and okay, they're a family with two tired gay dads and two ADD kids, but it works.

Regardless, Kiba gets to follow the two vaguely responsible members of the group into the KFC, and Naruto is left bouncing his knee and trying to find a decently ridiculous radio station to annoy the others with when they deign to return. He's only just starting to think it might be taking a bit long when a red blur yanks open the driver's side door, slamming it behind them, turns the key in the ignition, and pumps the gas.

The shriek Naruto makes is just this side of too close to a little girl's, but saying that out loud would probably summon Sakura with her fist raised, and that in itself is a bit more terrifying than the situation.

At least until the red-haired stranger turns a gun on him.

Naruto's hands shoot up immediately into surrender. "Holy fuck."

The stranger doesn't even bother to look at him, keeping one hand on the wheel and both eyes on the road. Were it a movie, Naruto would already be chatting up Kiba about how much of a power move that is, but this is real life and the only words he can force out of his mouth are expletives, of which he's spitting a fair amount.

"Be quiet," the stranger demands. It's an order Naruto's always had a problem with, but he's sure as hell listening now. "I have three people on my tail, and I don't know this area. I didn't mean to pick you up, but now that I have you, you'll help me."

Naruto, in a moment of a complete lack of self preservation, thinks that there's nothing that would piss Shika off more than leaving the KFC with an armful of food and having nowhere to put it down.

"Might as fucking well," he says, wearing the grin his uncle calls an Uzumaki Guarantee. The hair gets the honor of being a warning, one that Naruto (unfortunately for everyone else) doesn't come with. "Where you wanna go?"

The stranger's heavily-lined eyes (really, what the fuck kind of early-2000s emo shit is this dude on to do what even Sasuke wouldn't stoop to) widen just a bit before the cracks in his mask heal over and erase the personality."Wind country, as fast as we can get there discreetly."

Naruto chokes on his spit even as he directs the stranger down a sharp turn into the less-congested parts of the city. He can navigate Konoha with both his eyes stabbed out in the middle of a hurricane, having spent his childhood doing something close to it. He knows every hand and foothold to jump to, every back alley escape route, every seedy bar or restaurant just this side of unpleasant enough to serve an Uzumaki. Konoha is his city in the way it can't be anyone else's, but however much his godfather forces him to travel, he'll never have that same familiarity with anywhere else. Wind country, Naruto has to admit, is very very far away from his sphere of influence.

"I can totally do that," he lies. "Take the next left." Google maps better pull through.

They're officially at the point in the chase where Naruto can tell without any doubt which cars are the ones they're trying to get away from. A black maserati- which is stereotypical at best but holy shit he wants to steal it- and a red one of the same make. From what he can tell, they each have at least two people in the front, though they've been lucky not to be close enough for him to see into the back.