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When I woke I felt a pain in my head, so strong that I felt as if no drug could ever help me at all. I got up and waltzed my way into the living room where Joey was sitting watching tv.
"Joey..?" I said. He turned his attention to me but didn't speak. "I'm sorry about what I said last night." I said quietly. "you were right." He said back. I walked over and sat next to him on the couch. "No I wasn't...I'm sorry" I muttered again.
Despite my pain, I was in a mood this early morning that one person who was particularly not in good terms with me could fulfill. Again, he continued to watch his tv show. Slowly, I Leaned onto his side and began to kiss his neck
"c-chase what're you doing.." he mumbled not pushing me away but letting me continue. "Finishing what we started days ago.." I let out slowly pulling away.
And just like that, I got what I wanted. Part of me knew, the more I kept doing this the more attached he'd get. I wasn't looking for anything in Joey. I couldn't never get to close because I don't like opening up.
I never want to get attached Incase things go wrong, it wouldn't hurt to let him think what he must and let him have what he wants. All I wanted now what sex, drugs, and a place to stay and I'm getting all of it.
"Chase ?" Joey asked peeking over my shoulder as I layed in the bed. "Hm?" I responded back turning over to face him directly. "What are we?" He asked.
I could feel my cheeks burn as I answered the question "I-I'm not really sure.." i said pressing my lips together. not really saying anything we just layed there awhile staring at each other until he spoke again
"Are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah. I usually get sick this time of year" I lied through my teeth. I figured I was having withdrawals and I wasn't in any mood to go out and get anything.
He believed it, and flipped through channels and coincidentally the remote flew out of his hand on the worst channel possible. "Jesus Joey you just had to let it slip on the porn channel." I joked with him turning around to the tv.
I scanned it quickly, and felt my face fall looking at the screen as he flipped to the channel he was looking for. "What?" Joey asked reading my facial expression
I didn't say anything, but I sat up against the headboard of the bed. "What?" He repeated again more concerned than before. "That was her. She's unbelievable." I said narrowing my eyebrows.
"Chase what are you talking about?" He asked. I thought about lying, but I really needed to get it off my chest. "On the tv...that was my mother." I breathed out.
"On What..the uh...porn channel?" He said in a hushed tone. "Yep." I responded. "That's impossible, that woman looked young.." he muttered
"She had me when she was sixteen. She was a prostitute none the less a crackhead pornstar. Sure she looks young. she pays for surgery." I rambled slowly realizing what I had just done. Before it spiraled out of control , I stopped talking about it before I began to speak too much.
"You never really mentioned her...I'm sorry." He frowned not really knowing what to do next. I didn't say anything back, I just breathed in and out trying to keep my frustration down. Without warning, Joey pulled me into his warm embrace. "If you want to talk you know I'm here, I don't want you to hold anything in. I want you to trust me." I nodded on the outside, but on the inside I laughed.
I didn't "trust" anyone in life. Not even Daniel the person I'd been closest too my whole entire rehab era. Trust was hard because everyone I ever trusted ended up leaving. Not to mention the fact Joey had no knowledge to the fact I was a heavy drug addict.
Maybe it was the makeup I'd put on and the eye drops I used too keep my self from looking how I really did. A overwhelmed and dried up drug addict. The act would have its end soon I was sure, but until then I wouldn't tell him. Only time could really put the breaks on this.
