The way you look tonight|| lams||

the one where they say i love you

Notes: I wrote this chapter a little while ago and seriously- this chapter has strong suicidal/self harm themes. I feel like I kinda wrote about it a little too casually, and I'm so sorry about that, I tried to edit it without changing the whole story & foreshadowing. Luv y'all and stay safe, don't cut yourself my lil dudes ily!

Chapter 10

I look down at the paper they gave me. I have Alex as a roommate. So, I decided to bring Alex some flowers in congratulations. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. Yeah, I think that sounds good. Then, I get a call.
"Hello?" I ask.
"Hello," says the voice on the other line. "Alexander is awake." I hang up quickly and dart to Laffe's room. He's always prepared with flowers. Then I sprint to the nurse's office.
"Alexander!" I scream and flop over top Alexander, tightly hugging him.
"Owwww, hello, yes, hi," He squirms.
"Oh, sorry, I just...missed you," I got off of Alex and straightened up. "How are you feeling?"
"Better, I guess, if you could call it that," he says.
"Ha, sorry," I kid.
"Screw you," He says sarcastically.
"That can be arranged." I say. Oh god, why did I say that?
"Hahaha, you're so funny," Alexander melted me with his sweet giggles.
"Oh, by the way, we have a dorm together!" I say. Alexander blushes bright red.
"I wanna see! I'm ready to go back!!!" Alexander exclaims.

Alexander POV

Though it hurt like hell, I left the nurse with Laurens at my side. We got to our dorm. It was clean and new and everything shined.
"I kind of...already brought over your stuff," Laurens says. Oh no. Did he read the letters?
"Thanks!" I exclaim. I step in the door. There's the kitchen to my left, the living room to my right. Around the corner is one bedroom. Not two...one. That's gonna be awkward. So there's the bedroom, then next to that is the bathroom.
"I gotta take a shower," Laurens yawned.
"Okay," I said and took off my shoes. "You don't mind if I stay in here...?"

TW SELF HARM EVERYONE! Stay safe my children! <3 all that happens here is that they fight about the harm inflicted by johns father, then they make out and stuff owo

"Nah, you're good." Laurens took a shower and eventually got out.
"Your clothes are in here, second drawer," I say.
"Thanks," He says. He faces me, and I look at his chiseled abs. He turns around and I see his back. On his upper back, near his neck, I see big deep scars. I shiver. He looks back and smiles at me. I smile back weakly. He began to slide a green hoodie around himself.
"Wait," I say. "Your back..." John looks at me, then looks down, frowning and red as a tomato.
"What happened?" I ask. "Who did this to you?" I demand.
"Alex, nothin-" John began‍
"It's not nothing! Who did this to you?!" I yell.
"Alex...m-my father..." he admitted, and teared up. I grabbed his wrist. Scars all over. I sobbed.
"What the fuck?!" I scream and cry, holding him tight.
"Alex really I'm ok-"
"Shut up! After all, we've been through and you don't tell me... you've been cutting yourself... and someone's been hurting you!" I hang myself over him and cry. "I've been in your same situation, John, but you have to stop. And your dad better fucking watch out, cause he has no right to-"
"No, Alex, stop! You don't know what it's like! You may have cut, but you're a straight-a student! I only cause you trouble, okay!? You're better off without me!" Laurens was sobbing now too. He pushed me off of him and his scarred body.
"John," I sobbed. "Everyone in my life left, and believe me-" I start. It felt like I was back in my hurricane, and chaos and tears spun around me.
"No, Alex! I'm sorry but I should've died a long time ago! I wish that I died! Then you wouldn't have to deal with the burden of me!" I broke down hearing this.

Laurens POV

Alexander sobbed in front of me. God, I'm a monster. I made this beautiful green-eyed boy that I love cry.
"No, Alex! I'm sorry but I should've died a long time ago! I wish that I died! Then you wouldn't have to deal with the burden of me!" I scream. Alexander keeps crying.
"Shut...up!" he says, and the short boy pulls me by my hoodie and kisses me. I melt in his arms, as he continues sobbing. He pushes me onto the bed and pins me down. "Your an idiot...and I love you..."
"I love you too," I say, and peck him on the lips.
"I love you too much for you to cut yourself, okay? I did too, and I know it's hard, but I'm here to help you..." he begins. "Lemme clean your cuts, okay?"
"...Okay..." I say.

Alexander POV

I go to the bathroom and get the treatment stuff I used for when Thomas Jefferson decided to get spicy. 
"Take off your hoodie, please," I sniffle.
"Okay, Alex," he says, slipping off the green hoodie. I take a deep breath at the beautiful body I see, broken by cuts and scars.
"Thanks," he says gratefully as I clean the fresh cuts on his back.
"Yup," I say, concentrated.
"Why did you cut yourself?" Laurens asks.
"Uhm.. when I first started here, it was because you were so cute and I knew you'd never like me back." I stutter through my reply. I look down, hiding my embarrassingly red face. "And back in the Caribbean, you know, I just wanted to die."
"Oh, uhm, my father, y'know, he abused me because I'm gay, and...I thought it wasn't worth living anymore. And I did it here, when you were in the hospital, too," he says.
"I'm so sorry, John... Turn around for me?" I ask.
"Mhm-" I pound my lips to his and hug him tight, pushing him back onto the bed. He leans into me and suddenly owe've gone from talking about death to making out in a single minute. I take off my shirt and kiss him hard.
I think I love him.