Trust In Forever (Book 12 in the Forever Series)

Chapter 9

Nick

It's hard for some people to admit they're wrong or that they have a problem, especially when you're supposed to be the strong one. Personally, I didn't experience any kind of depression, until I was older, which was quite a surprise, to me. I always assumed depression happened early on, in your life, that it was something people were born with. I learned through my own experiences, over the last several years, that that wasn't true.

Talking to a therapist made me open up & discover that I had many events, in my life, that attributed to my depression. Often the brain suppresses the symptoms as a way to cope, but then something happens that makes them all come out, which is exactly what happened to me. I never realized how my life events had truly affected me, until I opened up in therapy. It made sense, when I really thought about it, but it was still a surprise to me. I figured the same thing happened, recently, to make my depression resurface.

While I was laid up in the hospital, after the trip to the mountains, I felt the depression seeping back into my body, but I couldn't really do anything about it. I thought it would go away, but it seemed to stick around. It wasn't easy to shake & then I didn't want to burden Demi with it, since she had her own depression to worry about. Of course, she knew I was spiraling & she worried, but I still didn't let her in. I didn't trust her. I didn't even know exactly what caused my depression to return, since there were several possibilities. Was it because of my failing music career? Sure. Was it because I didn't feel like I was as young & hot as other guys, starring in a movie with my wife? Absolutely. Was I feeling like a complete failure as a father because I was depressed & that made me more depressed? Yes.

I should have talked to Demi about how I was feeling, but I really couldn't bring myself to admit to her that I was depressed. She knew it. She confronted me about it, but I still kept it to myself. What I did do was make an appointment with Dr. West, who I would see soon. I knew talking always helped, but for some reason, I didn't talk to my wife, which was a big mistake. I did, however, talk to Eden, while she & I were doing our tour promotion.

Eden & I were doing so many tv or radio spots, that we were spending a lot of time together. We had time when we were eating together or waiting together, so of course the conversations would happen. One day, Eden & I had a full day of press, so we were together the entire day. We had breakfast together, did a morning television show, then had a few radio stations we were going to, so we talked a lot. At one point, Eden opened up to me about her personal life & that made me comfortable enough to tell her about the way I had been feeling since I was in the hospital. Eden had noticed my demeanor during one of our radio interviews we did a few days before & asked me if I was okay, so I spilled my guts.

Eden listened, didn't judge me, then offered comforting words & they were words that I had heard people tell me before, but for some reason, when she said them, I heard them & digested them, making me feel better. I could almost feel the heavy cloud, that had been hovering over me, lift & give me a reprieve, for the first time in months. I felt so good, I didn't even feel guilty that I didn't open up to Demi. I figured she would just be happy that I was feeling better, that I was actually as fine as I kept insisting I was.

When Demi walked up to me & Eden, on the set of the movie we were filming, I smiled, of course. "Hey, Beautiful."

"Hi, Demi." Eden practically sang as Demi got closer.