Thinking of Your Skin: The Truth Behind Camren - Book Two

Chapter 40: Back to December

December 5th, 2017

8:00 P.M.

Camila

It happened to me every single year, without fail. The second December rolled around, I started to get ridiculously pensive. I couldn't help but reflect on everything that had happened that year, and boy had 2017 been a big one.

This was the year I finally touched the stars. Up until I was 15, I had simply dreamed of them; by the time I hit 19, I was floating amongst them, with four other girls alongside me. Now, I was 20 years old, and I finally knew what it felt like to touch the stars.

It was everything I had ever dreamed of, and more; so much more. I counted my blessings each and every day, still convinced that this was all some elaborate dream, that I would suddenly wake up with my feet planted firmly on the ground again.

But I never did. This was my reality. I had collaborated with amazing artists like Pitbull and Major Lazer, attended the Grammys, performed at dozens of award shows and festivals, gone on tour with Bruno Mars, and, most importantly, finished writing and recording my first solo album ever.

This album had been my baby for the past eleven months, and, honestly, even for the past three years. I had been writing for so incredibly long, and, finally, some of my stories were going to see the light.

Never Be The Same.

This is was by far one of my favorite tracks, if not my favorite. It captured exactly the effect that Lauren had had on me ever since I'd loved her. I had been addicted to her, no matter how unhealthy or toxic she was for me. Our love was unforgettable and changed me forever, for so many different reasons.

All These Years

Still about Lauren. It was sort of insane to me how much the green eyed girl had influenced this album, and nobody would ever know. They would hear the false pronouns, the made up background stories, the different feelings in each song, and they would never know that they were all about the same fiery woman.

I had started writing this one way back when Lauren and I had our backslide the night of the Grammys. It was about that effect that she had on me, that incessant need to love her every single time I saw her. Even though we were both moving on, I had to admit that I would always wonder about us. No matter how much time passed, that 'what if' would always be in the back of my mind.

She Loves Control

This one wasn't about Lauren, but she had definitely helped influence it. This was a concept I knew other girls could relate to and, in fact, I wanted them to relate to. Just because I wasn't in Fifth Harmony anymore didn't mean I didn't want to promote women empowerment.

Havana

This baby. This was turning out to be my most successful release, and it wasn't even really personal. This was simply me connecting with my heritage and giving people something to dance to. Yet, I had still managed to incorporate the green eyed girl into the music video. Go figure.

Inside Out

I discovered this gem during a time of hope; around the time I started to realize that I would eventually love after Lauren. This was a message to my future lover; that I was ready to give them all of myself, now that I knew how incredible it felt.

Consequences

Another favorite, primarily because it went perfectly with 'Never be the Same', but was the darker side to it. I wrote this one during those six months when Lauren and I weren't talking, when I thought she hated me. This was one of the many songs that helped me practically purge the pain away. This was my therapy.