Thinking of Your Skin: The Truth Behind Camren - Book Two

Chapter 44: The Hiatus

PART 5

February 27th, 2018

10:00 P.M.

Lauren

"You ever think about how crazy, like, years are?" I asked absentmindedly.

"Um...Lo, are you high?" Dinah laughed.

"No, stupid. I'm serious. Like, the fact that we had to account for leap years, you know what I mean? What is it, like, 365 and 1/4 days, right? So, it's just kind of annoying to me that it couldn't be a whole number. And like, why is February the one that gets cut short?"

"You know, one of these days, I'd love to jump into that brain of yours. Just for a day. Just to see how much random shit you think about."

"It's a lot.", I chuckled, "Almost too much, I'd say."

"No room for the 7/27 tour though, huh?"

I looked up at Dinah, any hint of a smile completely gone from my face. Her expression was serious.

"You know, you really shouldn't have said that." she added.

Dinah was referring to the fact that I had just blurted out my disdain for the 7/27 tour during her livestream to our fans. I hadn't even really been thinking when I said it, and the fact that Dinah had the camera off to the side made me forget it was even there half the time. I was honestly sort of frustrated with her for doing that in the first place.

(^^ Go to 8:25)

"Well you shouldn't have filmed our dinner." I countered.

"You should've been more cautious since you knew the camera was there." she argued.

"You should know that I don't want cameras in my face when I can control it!" I said more harshly than intended.

I immediately looked back down at my sketch, ashamed that I had raised my voice at her. It wasn't just the fact that I hated being told what I could and couldn't say; it was the fact that all that conversation did was make me think about Camila again.

It had been just a little over a week since she had told me she needed some space...and since I realized that I was still in love with her. Part of me felt like it was the worst combination of things to happen at once, but the other part of me knew that one alternative would've been so much worse.

The good alternative: If I was still blind to my feelings for her, I would've been able to give her space easily and we would've eventually reconvened like nothing was wrong.

The terrifying alternative: If the opposite had happened...if I had realized my feelings for her and she didn't ask for space...I had no idea what the fuck would be happening.

I tried really hard not to think about those alternatives too much. I needed to focus on what was really happening, which was that I somehow found myself in the situation I never thought possible: I loved two people at once.

It wasn't the way it was with Camila and Lucy. I always chose Camila, whether it seemed like it or not. This time, however, Ty was a different story. I was fucking crazy about him. He had been the first person to get me through all of the Camila nonsense, to help me find myself again. He was so goddamn patient and caring and understanding. I was in love with him. He meant so much to me.