The Darkness Tainting My Mind (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

Ally to Foe?

Landing on the pedestal for warping me to the Shadow Temple, I saw Dark sitting off to the side. "Dark, where were you?"

"I could ask you the same thing!" he huffed like a little kid.

"Okay, calm down and let's head to the tavern."

He instantly looked up and smiled. "Yay! Link's gonna get wasted!"

I hit him very roughly over the head. "OOOOOWWWW!"

We arrived at the tavern and started to drink. "A Châuteu Romani for me and some tequila for my friend," I said after we had situated ourselves at the bar. The bartender nodded and got to work on getting our drinks.

"Still going after Châuteu Romani instead of something stronger?" Dark snickered.

"Temporary infinite magic."

"What?"

"That's what I get for not drinking anything stronger," I snickered as his jaw dropped.

The bartender gave us our drinks and held out his hand and I placed the correct amount in his hand. The bartender walked off. "What?! You get infinite magic by drinking that stuff?!" he exclaimed and then downed his tequila.

"Yeah."

"If I had known that before, it would be near impossible for me to remove my lips from it!"

"Want to try some?"

"Of course I do!" Dark raised his hand and said, "Bartender, a Châuteu Romani, please!" The bartender nodded and placed a bottle in front of him and then held out his hand. Dark fished out his wallet and placed the rupees in the bartender's hand. Dark grabbed the bottle and started chugging it. "... It's weak..."

"Of course it's weak when compared to what you normally drink!"

"But I do feel the magic..."

"See, what did I tell you?"

"How much of this can you carry?"

"Four."

"Could we get four Châuteu Romanis to go?"

"Dark!" I protested as he grabbed my four empty bottles and handed a large sum of rupees to the bartender. He filled them all up with Châtueu Romani and handed them back. "Bartender, could you give me some of your hardest liquor?"

After way too many shots of Spirytus Rektyfikowany and the loss of a lot of rupees, Dark dragged me over to the inn. "You purposefully got drunk this time, didn't you?"

"I'm not druuunk, Daaaark!" I whined.

"You are completely drunk."

"I want you to fuck me so hard that I won't be able to walk."

His face went bright red. It disappeared as quickly as it had appeared and was replaced with a devious smirk. "Of course.~" He picked me up bridal style and carried me up a flight of stairs.

I woke up the next morning with a really sore ass and a horrible hangover. "Dark..." I growled and looked over to him, "I swear I will fucking strangle you the next time you try to fuck me...."

"Hm...?" Dark hummed and sat up, letting out a small yawn.

"Good morning, Darling!~ Would you like breakfast, a bath, or me~?" I asked him the very cliché line.

"I would like to have you for breakfast while in the bath," he shamelessly requested.

I smiled and picked up my shield and very roughly bashed him over the head with it, effectively knocking him out and causing him to fall out of the bed and hit his head against the floor. I let out a triumphant puff of air and got dressed. I pulled out a bottle of Châuteu Romani and downed it. I looked back in my magic adventure pouch, which somehow fits all of my items, and pulled out my map of Hyrule. I opened the curtains a little and hissed at the bright light and closed it again. "Too bright. I think that I'll just enjoy another bottle or two of Châuteu Romani for breakfast." I sat down on the bed and downed another bottle as I looked over the map for our next destination.