𝗦𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗛𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀

(21)

since the first day

i knew

it would be so much more

every day that passed

my heart told me

you'd be so much more

what had been seconds, minutes and hours forgotten, became days of sorrow and weeks of grieving and months accompanied by solitude.

it took months of mj calling to see if i was okay. after seeing me break down to my lowest, he cared more than he had ever cared for what had just been his mere co worker. it took weeks of eunwoo knocking on my apartment door. after i had told him off at that very door, he kept trying to make me go outside. it took days of his boyfriend moonbin, worryingly coming to offer food since he probably knew from eunwoo i didn't eat when upset.

it took an eternity for my mind to get up and go to mister yoon's house.

"Hey Nari. Come on in."

i gulped as i went inside and instantly started regretting coming.

"Come, one of Sanha's friends is here."

i followed him inside to the kitchen where a familiar face greeted me.

"Rocky?"

he nodded as he signed me a hello. i signed him back hello and he genuinely looked surprised.

"You know ASL?"

"I took it as an elective in high school and genuinely took it seriously."

he smiled but i couldn't. i didn't know rocky was deaf. why hadn't sanha told me? what else hadn't sanha told me?

"I'll let you two to talk. Thank you for the flowers Nari."

rocky smiled and slid a piece of paper towards me.

"You never read the note Sanha left you."

i shook my head.

"Couldn't bring myself to do so. I feel like I still can't."

rocky smiled sadly.

"I think you just don't know everything. You deserve to know."

i looked down at the paper before looking up at him.

"Could you tell me then?"

he nodded and pulled out his phone, standing up and showing me a photo album labeled 'beagle.'

when he pressed on the first photo, i felt my eyes welp up. it was sanha, repeatedly. selfies of him and sanha, a blond boy in the mix. rocky stopped to explain that was jinwoo. then a few pictures past that, it became just sanha in a hospital bed, smiling at the camera, and sometimes he didn't look at the camera or smile. but it was him. my sanha.

rocky set down the phone and began telling me everything.

"I met Sanha through a support group of the hospital. I had known him since he was twelve. That's when he was diagnosed with Jakob's disease. It's pretty rare. It makes someone change drastically. It cause a lot of anxiety, depression, memory loss and it makes you weak. Sometimes he would have spasms and twitches because it causes weird involuntary muscle contractions. He also had fibromyalgia, it's a sensitivity disorder, which made everything hurt ten times worse."