Notes To Myself (a Joshler story)

Day 802, 12:19 PM

Tyler and Josh moved to the couch and they sat down on the same one, but both sideways so they were facing each other. They still had half of their cups of tea left, which were in their hands.

"So, Uhm", Josh started. "Every day, I do the same thing? Every day over again? And you have to do the exact same every day as well?" Josh asked.

Tyler nodded. "Basically", he shrugged softly. "Every day is pretty much the same, except for today. I still can't believe I'm here at this moment", he softly said.

"Can you tell me what the other days look like one more time?" Josh asked. "Of course, bunny", Tyler told him. He took a sip from his tea.

"So, when you wake up, and you read the letter are figuring out who you are, you send your parents the flower emoji to let them know you're on the right path. Your mom always lets me know that you've read the letter, but it's always hard for me to believe her without seeing you at the coffee house first. So a few minutes before eleven, I get to the street where the coffee house is and when I see you, I believe your momma, 'cause you wouldn't be there at that time if it wasn't for the letters. So I wait for you to go outside, I put on my hood usually, wait for it to be 11 AM and I walk towards you. I hand you the letter, you take it, I turn around and go home", Tyler said.

"And I never try to stop you?" Josh asked. "Nope", Tyler replied. "I never say something? Or do something? Anything?" He asked. Tyler shook his head again. "No, you don't", he replied.

"Jeez, I'm dumb", Josh muttered. "I can't imagine not doing or saying anything", he said.

"Well... uh, this might sound weird but... I recorded it once, because your parents asked me to. I... if you want to you can see the video", Tyler softly said.

"Oh really? Can I see it?" Josh asked right away. Tyler nodded as he shuffled closer to josh and grabbed his phone. He opened the video and pressed play.

Josh saw Tyler on the screen, his hair messy and there were bags under his eyes. His eyes were kinda red and puffy. Josh wondered if he'd cried before the video.

"So, uh... it's day 437, 9:45 AM, and Joshua's parents asked me to record me giving the letter to Joshua at 11 AM so they kinda know and understand how Josh reacts, what he does, or does not do, so they know how he reacts to something that he doesn't really understand", Tyler said to the camera. He scratched the back of his head.

"So that's what I'm gonna do today. I'm gonna give my baby this letter", Tyler said as he held up a letter in front of the camera for a few seconds, before lowering his arm again.

"Day 437, living the exact same morning, for the 437th time", he sighed softly. He then stopped the video, and another part appeared on the screen.

"So, I'm where I'm supposed to be. I just saw my baby go inside to order his favorite, so I gotta go there to give him the letter in a few minutes. Im not sure how I should record this... I'll just put it in my pocket I guess. I hope it'll turn out somewhat okay but I don't wanna freak my baby out by pushing a camera in his face", he said. He then sighed. "I'm always nervous beforehand", he muttered. He didn't say anything for a while as he looked away from the camera. He then looked back.

"He's worth it. Let's do this", he said as he put the hood of his hoodie on, and the video cut to a different part again.

Tyler's footsteps were heard, and Josh saw himself on the screen, his coffee in one hand. As Tyler approached, Josh, for some reason, got more nervous as he saw himself on the screen. He was just begging himself to not do what Tyler said he always did, but obviously that wouldn't happen since this video was from a long time ago.

Tyler reached Josh, and he stopped. He didn't have to tap his arm, he just looked at Tyler. Tyler gave him the envelope, Josh took it, and he saw Tyler turning around.

No, stay, was what Josh thought. Please tell him to stay.

But as Tyler already told him, he didn't do or say anything. Tyler walked away, back home, as Josh stood there, not even trying to stop Tyler in any way. He just let him walk.

Tyler then paused the video. "That's pretty much it, at least the part you're in", Tyler said as he put his phone away.

"...I've never seen something so weird... seeing myself do something - or well, the lack of doing something, and not remembering any of it", Josh softly said. "Yeah I can understand that, bun", Tyler softly replied. He rested his hand on Josh's leg and gently caressed it.

"Ty?" Josh asked. Tyler nodded as he looked at the boy in front of him, his hand still on his leg.

"You've been doing the same thing for 801 days... why have you never given up on me? Why haven't you forgotten about me? Let me go? Find someone who's actually worth it? Who deserves you? 'Cause I really don't, do I? I forget about you every single night, for over two years. You're living the exact same day over and over and over again voluntarily even though I forget about you every time. You could just... remove yourself from my life and be free and be happy and find someone who deserves you. Why are you still here?" Josh softly asked.

A tear rolled down Tyler's cheek, and he wiped it away, but another one followed.

"I..." he trailed softly. "I tried", he whispered. "I tried forgetting about you", he spoke, voice cracking. More tears rolled down his cheeks.

"There's been so many-many nights where I c-came home crying b-because I knew you were gonna f-forget me again", Tyler cried. "A-and I-I tried l-letting you go b-but every m-morning I w-wrote a letter and b-brought it to you-you because I w-wouldn't ever forgive m-myself for giving up on-on you", Tyler cried. His breath hitches and Josh could feel a tear roll down his cheek, and another one, as he grabbed Tyler's hand in his securely.

"O-one time, one time I g-gave up on-on you Joshie", he stuttered. "I-I gave up on y-you once, and I-I regret it s-so-so much-h", he cried. "B-because I didn't go-go to t-the coffee h-house with m-my letter, b-because I w-was feeling so-so terrible a-and I'd given up h-hope, I g-gave ho o-on you, a-and I didn't go t-to the coffee house t-to give you the l-letter. A-and", he stuttered, breath hitching. He squeezed his eyes closed, more tears coming out as he let out a sob.

"Y-you were t-there", he cried. "A-and you w-waited f-for s-seven hours. Y-you sat t-there out-outside f-for seven h-hours waiting for-for m-my letter", he cried. "B-but I didn't show-show u-up, a-and I told your b-brother I didn't go s-so he was gonna check u-up on y-you and when h-he wanted to-to go to y-your apartment he-he saw you s-sitting outside o-of that c-coffee house a-at 6 PM", Tyler cried. Josh was full on crying now too, because his chest ached seeing Tyler cry so hard.

"S-since that day I n-never gave up e-ever again, it n-never even crossed m-my mind a-anymore, b-be-because I-I couldn't, y-you're worth it-it, you're worth all of it, I love you so much", Tyler spoke.

He pushed himself up a bit and wrapped his arms around Josh's neck. Josh pulled him in his lap, holding on to the boy for dear life. He never wanted to let him go, and he never wanted to forget about him.

"S-so no, I-I'm not gonna give up on you", Tyler whispered.

~~

Fuuuck me I cried

What did you think of this one? Please please let me know! I'm so curious what you guys think of this story.
I love you so much!