Notes To Myself (a Joshler story)

Day 802, 01:34 PM

"What do we usually do for dinner, baby?" Josh asked. By now, they were sitting on the couch, facing each other, with Tyler's legs wrapped around Josh's waist, their arms around each other as well. Tyler rested his forehead against Josh's, stealing a kiss quickly.

"Nothing", he said. "How d'you mean nothing? You're here around dinner time", Josh said as he frowned. "Yeah but we never eat, we talk", Tyler said. "You always have many more questions than you seem to have now, about us. You never... never completely trust it, I guess. Your heart feels it but your mind is cautious, y'know? So we're not really close, or eat together. You usually only realize how important you think I am once I leave. It's in the letters; you're always stressing how important it is to not forget me, but then you do, and it's back to square one. We don't eat 'cause you need the time to start trusting me more, realizing we actually were fiancés, so I usually eat at home right before or after I've been here. There's no time to eat otherwise. Every day is so important, whether it's the same every day or not. I don't care, I just know it's important. So much has to happen in one day, I don't even have 24 hours. I only have a couple of hours to try and make you not forget about me, but it's day 802, meaning I failed 802 times", he said.

Josh hugged Tyler tightly. He buried his face in Tyler's neck, leaving a soft kiss. Tyler sighed softly as he hugged his baby back, tilting his head a bit. He hadn't kissed Josh in ages; he definitely hadn't had his neck kissed by Josh. That was even longer ago.

"We're gonna have dinner together today", Josh said softly. He was still hugging his baby close. He didn't want to let go. Tyler sighed softly. "I'd love that", he whispered as he tightened his embrace. "Do you wanna go eat somewhere or stay here and prepare something?" Tyler asked.

"I'm fine with both, baby. What do you like better?" He asked. Tyler considered both for a moment. "I... I love going out for dinner with you, but... maybe we could get some things and prepare something here", he said softly. "I... I don't wanna lose the domestic feeling of being here with you, cuddling, snuggling, stealing kisses... it feels like life before the accident. Life where we lived and loved together, where we were gonna marry and have babies and a dog and start a family", he said softly.

"Then we're gonna prepare dinner here", Josh said as he kissed Tyler's forehead. "Do you wanna go to the store? I don't know where it is so I can't go alone", Josh said. "D'you really think I'm gonna tell you to go alone? Joshua, I got you back for the first time in eight hundred and two days. I'm not gonna leave you out of my eyesight", he said. Josh smiled softly. "I really don't want you to leave me on my own, so I was hoping you'd come with me", he smiled softly.

"Of course I'm coming with you. You're my baby", Tyler said as he kissed Josh's lips firmly.

"We should bake cupcakes too", Josh then said. Tyler smiled. "Do you remember your momma's recipe?" He asked. Josh nodded. "Yeah, I've been baking it with momma since I was a kid. I didn't forget it", he smiled. "We never really had a buttercream recipe though", he said. "I do, my family and I do", Tyler said. "Really?" Josh asked and Tyler nodded. "We always combined them when we baked cupcakes", Tyler said. "We made cupcakes together?" Josh smiled softly and Tyler returned it as he nodded. "Very often, too. We were always trying to add new flavours and fillings and decorations. It was kind of our thing, we loved doing it together. We made a shitload of cupcakes together", Tyler said as he let out a soft laugh, "It was crazy and it was our thing. We were cupcake lovers that loved cupcakes almost as much as we loved each other", Tyler smiled softly.

"Loved? I bet I still love you just as much as I did", he said. Tyler rested his chin on Josh's shoulder and he gave him a tight hug. He kissed Josh's shoulder softly. "At the moment, it really feels like that", he softly whispered. "I wanna make you feel this way every day, Ty", Josh replied softly. "I don't want to forget you anymore. Not once, not ever. I need to remember you, baby. I promise I'll do whatever it takes", Josh said.

Tyler tightened his hug more. He closed his eyes, not wanting to cry. He knew that the chance that Josh would remember even a little bit of Tyler was pretty much nonexistent, and he couldn't bare the thought of losing Josh all over again tonight. He didn't want to have his heart broken, crushed, shattered again, aching and hurting and bleeding like it did when Josh didn't remember him, he had to move out, break up their engagement, break up their relationship, and dedicate every day for the rest of his life to reliving the same day over and over and over again, just in case Josh would remember him one day. He didn't want to go back to loving a person that didn't even know him; loving a person that only simply hugged him one time with all of his heart and soul. He didn't want to go back to the same story over and over again, every day after day.

But he would. He'd do it all for Josh. Josh would forget him, and tomorrow at 11 AM, Tyler will be there; walking to the coffee house, handing Josh his letter, turning around and walking away.

He would do it every day for the rest of his life for Josh. No matter how long it took.

He was in love with Josh, so deeply, and he would never, ever give up on him. No matter what people would say, or what people would do. No matter what sacrifices Tyler had to make to be able to hand Josh the letter and get to his place later that day.

He would sacrifice everything for Josh. Even if that meant sacrificing his heart.

~~

damn guys this story is sad

but I love it

and I love you

and I'm so happy there's still people reading this <3 let me know what you thought of this chapter, and if you're still here? That would mean the world! Also while you can, please leave a vote. It would help me get this story hopefully back in the charts and it would mean so much <3

I love you! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. <3

Word count: 1152