Notes To Myself (a Joshler story)

Day 802, 12:34 PM

Josh ran his hand through Tyler's hair gently as he sat beside him on the couch. He was leaning against Josh, his hand on Josh's leg while one of Josh's arms was holding him close. Both boys had calmed down as much as possible for them at that time, but their eyes were still kinda wet.

"How come you have such raw skin on your beautiful cheeks?" Josh asked softly as he looked at Tyler. Tyler rested his head on Josh's shoulder. "I can't remember the last day I haven't cried", Tyler softly said. "Since you were in the accident, and got in the hospital... Since then I've cried every day, so my skin gets all raw and red and ugly", Tyler muttered. "They're not ugly", Josh said softly. "Yeah they are", Tyler replied. "To me they're not", Josh said, and he leaned forward. He pressed a soft kiss on Tyler's cheek.

Tyler froze, and when Josh pulled back, he didn't move right away, or said anything right away.

"C-can you do that again?" Tyler softly asked then. Josh leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on Tyler's cheek again. But when his lips connected to Tyler's cheeks, he could feel Tyler's hand on the back of his neck, holding him in place so Josh didn't pull back. After a few seconds, Tyler let go and Josh pulled back. Tyler closed his eyes, inhaling shakily, as if he was trying to take in the moment, so he would never forget it anymore.

While Tyler's eyes were closed, Josh leaned in again, and while Tyler didn't expect it, he connected their lips.

Tyler inhaled through his nose shakily as his hands flew up to Josh's neck, pulling him closer as he leaned into the kiss. Josh gently moved his lips against Tyler's, when he could feel a tear rolling down Tyler's cheek and landing on his own. He rested his hands in Tyler's neck, then running his fingertips through the hair in the nape of Tyler's neck. He held Tyler close as he deepened the kiss, and Tyler allowed it right away. He got on his knees so he could kiss Josh even better, and leaned forward so Josh was gently pushed back against the back rest of the couch. Tyler straddled his hips, and Josh moved his hands to Tyler's back, holding him close. They only pulled back to catch their breaths, and Josh's cheeks were now wet from Tyler's tears.

"Jeez, sorry for constantly crying", Tyler muttered as he wiped Josh's cheeks, and he wanted to wipe his own but Josh grabbed his wrists and stopped him.

"Don't apologize for that, baby", Josh said. Tyler's lip quivered and more tears rolled down. "Fuck", he muttered, looking up at the ceiling in the hopes that he would stop crying.

"Don't be mad at yourself, Ty", Josh softly said as he leaned closer and kissed Tyler's tears away. "It's just stupid", Tyler mumbled. "I'm not... I... It feels like I have you back", Tyler whispered, another tear rolling down his cheek. "For the first time since you got in that accident, it feels like I have my baby back", he said, letting the tears roll 'cause Josh was still holding his hands. "You kissing me like that... We haven't done that in years, Joshie", Tyler said. "And you calling me baby... You haven't done that in years as well", he whispered, his breath hitching because he was crying once again. "And now, you just.... Do it", he softly said. "You just kiss me and call me baby like it's the most normal thing in the world and I missed that so much, and I don't wanna live without that anymore", he cried. "I don't want you to forget me again".

"I'll stay up all night then", Josh softly spoke as he wrapped his arms around Tyler. "I'll stay up all night so we have more time together, and it'll be impossible for me to forget about you then. You've stolen my heart years ago and I know it's still there, 'cause you still have my heart", Josh said. "I'm so in love with you, and I don't wanna forget you. I never wanna forget you. I wanna be yours, I want you to be mine, I wanna be engaged like we were before, I wanna live my life with you", Josh said softly.

"I wish we could", Tyler said as he wrapped his arms around Josh's neck and pressed a long kiss on his forehead. "But you can't stay up all night for me baby", Tyler softly said. "We'll see, baby", Josh replied. He hugged Tyler tightly, and kissed some of his tears away again. "I love you. Don't ever forget that", Josh said to Tyler.

~~

I've legit cried AGAIN why do I do this to myself every time ughhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHhhhh. ughhhh. ugh.

Tell me, what did you guys think? I'd love to know your thoughts on this part!