"So what are we usually like when we're together?" Josh asked. "you mean after the accident?" Tyler asked as he tightened his hug around Josh's waist. They were snuggling on the couch as they talked; Tyler really needed physical affection more than he'd realized in those years, and Josh was more than happy and willing to give it to him. He wanted it just as much as Tyler did.
He wanted to hold his baby. He was gonna hold his baby.
Tyler knew how heartbroken, devastated and lonely he was gonna feel once Josh forgot about him yet again, but he was willing to get heartbroken by the boy he loved if it meant he got to be held by the boy he loved.
"Yeah, after the accident", Josh replied. "Well..." Tyler trailed. Josh grabbed his hand and he gently squeezed, and Tyler returned it. He sighed softly.
"There's... there's a you and me", Tyler said. "But... there's no 'us'. At the moment, there is, but the past 801 days, there wasn't. Yeah I came over to your place every night, and we talked and you knew I was your ex boyfriend and ex fiancé, and you knew we were in love deeply and you believed that you still were in love with me, but... just a quite simple hug, no cuddles, no snuggles, no kissing. Just me pecking your cheek once, giving you one hug, and that's almost it. It never... it never felt right for you, and it broke my heart but I never blamed you 'cause I'm a stranger to you", Tyler said.
"Even when I saw the polaroids?" Josh asked and Tyler nodded. "Even when I told you anything at all about us. You never, not once, changed your reaction. It was always the same until today", Tyler said.
"I'm an idiot", Josh said. "No you're not, you can't help that your mind makes you forget", Tyler said softly. "When you kissed my cheek and then my lips... that freaked me out, josh", Tyler said, letting out a soft laugh as a tear rolled down his cheek. "That was so shocking and terrifying and it made me so incredibly happy. I've never felt happier", he said softly. "I can't believe it. I really can't believe we kissed. It's been over two years and we just kissed, we-" Tyler muttered until he was shut up by Josh kissing Tyler's lips again.
When Josh pulled back, Tyler's eyes remained closed for a while. Josh let out a soft laugh and Tyler opened his eyes.
"It's only 1 PM and we kissed and cuddled for the first time in over two years", Tyler whispered. "This is the best day of my life."
Josh rested his forehead against Tyler's. "It feels so natural and simple. I don't get why I'm always such an idiot every day", Josh said. "I always let you walk away, I only let you visit around 5 PM, I never kiss you properly or snuggle with you. I'm out of my mind", Josh mumbled. "You're just doing what feels right", Tyler said softly. "Today it apparently felt different, so I'm gonna pray that it will continue to be different from now on, and I'll just remember you forever and I can finally get married to you", Josh said. "That would be a dream", Tyler whispered. "I'm not gonna count on it 'cause I know it will break my heart when you don't remember me, but I really hope so too. I really hope you will remember me, I don't want you to forget us again", he whispered.
"I'm just never gonna go back to bed again so I can't forget", Josh said. "You know that is not an option, my bunny", Tyler sighed softly. "I can certainly try. Maybe if I can spend more time with you, maybe if I extend the day and the time that I'm with you, maybe I won't forget you anymore. Have we tried that before?" Josh asked. "No, but..." Tyler trailed. "No buts. We have to try, no matter what. I wanna try everything, Ty. I don't want to forget you; you're everything to me. I can just feel it in here, in my heart, even though I don't remember us or anything about you. I know, I can feel deep inside, that you're the love of my life. I don't wanna lose the love of my life", Josh told him.
Tyler sniffled as he wiped a few tears away. "We'll only try if you're not too tired", he said. "I won't let you exhaust yourself terribly. Only if it's easy to stay awake, baby. Promise me", Tyler said.
"Okay, I promise", Josh nodded. He pressed a kiss on Tyler's lips and every time Josh touched Tyler in any way similar to that, he felt like bursting out in tears.
'Cause tomorrow, Josh wouldn't remember Tyler. Tomorrow, Tyler would've been forgotten yet again.
Tomorrow, Tyler wouldn't even be just a memory.
~~
okay HI I know it's crazy! I'm back writing this story! I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long but I'm happy to be back!!
Anyone still out there reading this? It would mean the world if you could let me know if you're still reading and/or enjoying this.
Let me know what you thought of this and what you think of the story while you can! If you could leave a vote on this chapter, it would mean the world to me and help me out tremendously.
I hope you're still here 'cause I really enjoy this story. There will be a few small time lapses to make it more interesting in the future, which is just a heads up. I can't wait to progress this story more <3
Love you loads.
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Notes To Myself (a Joshler story)
FanficJosh wakes up in a bed he doesn't recognize in a room he can't remember. When he gets up he finds an envelope stuck to the door with a letter in it: "Hey you, this is you from last night. I know you don't know where you are, and you don't remember a...
