Notes To Myself (a Joshler story)

Day 802, 04:40

"To be honest, I'm a bit nervous", Tyler said softly. "Me too", Josh said as he let out a soft laugh. "I can't remember the last time I showered with someone", Josh said. "I can", Tyler replied as he closed the door behind them. Josh felt his heart ache a little, wanting to apologize for saying that, but Tyler didn't really give him the chance to do so.

"You grabbed towels, right?" he asked as he looked at his boyfriend, who nodded. "Yeah and I also got some stuff to wear afterwards", he said. Tyler nodded as he checked the water temperature. "What do you think?" He asked. "Perfect", Josh replied.

Tyler sighed softly as he swallowed. He grabbed the hem of his shirt, but Josh stopped him as he stood behind his boyfriend. He softly kissed the side of his neck, causing Tyler's eyes to slip closed. "I love you and all of you, Ty", Josh softly assured him. "Try to push all the nerves away, my baby, just like I'm trying to do. We can't use those nerves today okay? We'll waste so much time that we can spend being close to each other today if we let those nerves get the best of us", he softly said. Tyler inhaled and exhaled shakily as he nodded. "Can you do it?" He asked with a soft whisper. Josh nodded as he kissed Tyler's neck again softly. He placed his hands on Tyler's, then replaced them with his own hands. He lifted Tyler's shirt up and off completely, leaving Tyler shirtless as well.

Josh dropped the shirt on the ground, not being able to help himself as his hands immediately went back to rest on Tyler's sides. He kissed his shoulder softly, then his neck, and Tyler was trying to breathe steadily as he tilted his head to the other side. A tear escaped and rolled down his cheek, but he tried not to make any sounds 'cause he didn't want Josh to worry.

"You're so gorgeous, Tyler", Josh whispered. Tyler swallowed difficultly before he answered. "T-thank you, bunny", he whispered back. Josh pressed a long, soft kiss on Tyler's shoulder as he held his hips firmly but without hurting Tyler, before they let go and moved down to the front of Tyler's jeans.

He unbuckled Tyler's belt and unbuttoned his jeans, before he let go of Tyler and did the same to himself. He then pushed his jeans down and stepped out of them along with his boxers, so he was nude first, before he asked Tyler permission to do the same to him, and Tyler took a deep breath as he nodded.

Josh pushed them down and got them off of Tyler as well, leaving them both naked. Tyler was nervous to turn around, but he knew Josh was right and he held on to what he said; we can't waste any time being nervous.

'Cause this was all Tyler got. He only had a couple of more hours with Josh.

He turned around, eyes darting down and up as he looked at Josh. He then blushed as he looked into Josh's eyes, letting out a soft laugh before he stepped closer and he hugged Josh tightly against him.

"C'mon", Tyler then quickly said and he got in the shower with his boy. Tyler's arms were immediately around Josh's waist again, hugging him as tightly as he could without making it uncomfortable, and then he could let his tears flow as the water rained down on them. He didn't want to lose Josh. He didn't want Josh to forget him. He'd missed being this close and intimate to Josh so much, and just as unexpectedly and quickly as he got it, he knew he was gonna lose it.

He needed Josh. He needed Josh. He couldn't do it without Josh.

Tyler pulled back and he smashed his lips to Josh's, holding on to his boy for dear life.

~~

what did you think? Oh boy do I love them. I feel bad for ty :( (yes I know I'm the writer and I decide what happens and what they go through BUT IT'S STILL HARD OK? OK!)

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter <3 almost christmas. Finally have some days off! It's been a long time. Hope to write as much as I can during those days. I love love you <3

It would mean the world if you could leave a vote to let me know how many of you are still here reading this!

Word count: 760