The Rise of Lydia Rowe ↠ Jasper Hale (ON HOLD)

[1.07] panic attack

LYDIA WAS AT LUNCH when it happened. She was quietly picking at her questionable school lunch, deciding she would make herself something when she got home from school when Nina offered Lydia her drink. "Here. It'll get rid of the taste of that meatloaf—or whatever the hell that's supposed to be."

Taking Nina's drink, she took a sip without looking at the label. As the liquid filled her mouth, she froze. Not wanting to make a scene, she forced herself to swallow the drink, wanting to throw it back up immediately. Memories began to hit her as she looked at the label of the drink, wishing she'd read it first.

It tasted like strawberries.

She stood up abruptly, startling the other occupants of the table. "I—I need to go," she said, trying to quell the panic rising inside of her. She quickly handed Nina back her drink. "I, uh, I forgot I have homework I need to finish for my next class. I'll—I'll see you guys later."

She rushed out of the cafeteria, dumping her tray of uneaten food on her way. As she hurried down the hallway, she could barely breathe. Images from that night bombarded her, relentlessly haunting her as she tried to escape them. Tears blurred her vision as she hyperventilated, wishing the universe would put her out of her misery once and for all.

You're overreacting, the cruel, unforgiving part of her mind told her. It's just a stupid drink.

She sat down in the empty hallway, landing ungracefully on the ground. She leaned her back against the lockers as she tried to regain control of her breathing. In, out. In, out. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest, as if she'd just run a marathon without any preparation. She was so busy trying to block out the horrible images running through her mind that she didn't notice Jasper Hale until he was sitting down next to her, a foot of space between them.

"Are you okay?" His voice was smooth and quiet, as if he was making an effort not to startle her.

Lydia looked at him, too upset to try to fight the tears building in her eyes. "Do I look okay?" Lydia murmured sardonically. She regretted it immediately—she didn't want to take her bad mood out on Jasper. Even if he and his family had been ignoring her. "Sorry, that was mean."

"It's alright," he said quickly. "And to answer your question—no, you don't."

Lydia smiled a little, amused by his blatant honesty. His voice seemed to blanket the memories rushing through her mind, dulling them until she could focus on the present more than the past. "What are you doing here?" she asked softly.

Jasper took a moment to respond. "I saw you run out of the cafeteria and I saw how upset you looked. I wanted to see if you were alright."

Lydia stared at her hands for a moment. "Thank you," she murmured, taking a deep breath. "It's just a panic attack—it isn't my first and it certainly won't be my last." Her therapist had warned her that she might experience them, and that they could be triggered by just about anything. The taste of strawberries had just reminded her of the drink that had begun the worst night of her life.

They were both quiet for a moment, but it wasn't awkward like Lydia would have expected. It was almost comfortable in a sense. Then, Jasper asked gently, "Do you want me to go?" When Lydia shook her head, he said, "Okay. Do you want to talk about it or sit here quietly?"

Lydia glanced at him, seeing the sincere concern in his expression. When their eyes met, he offered her a comforting smile. It helped to quell the horror slowly dwindling down inside of her, bad images being replaced with his smile. "Can we sit here quietly?" she finally asked, her voice small.

"Of course," Jasper murmured.

The two sat in a surprisingly comfortable silence for the rest of lunch. She wasn't sure what it was about Jasper, but as they sat there, her emotions began to stabilize. She could feel her heartbeat slowing back down, her breath no longer hard to catch. It was as if his presence alone helped to silence the monsters that had begun to stir in her head.