I can't love him; there's no way I love him. Tom approached me, grabbing me by the waist leaning into my chest. A warm feeling filled me, and I held him closer, gently pushing a small knife against his back. All of these thoughts, these fantasies, they'd go away. But. I can't. I can't stab him. I can't do it. My hand won't let me hurt him. I love him... god just let me kill him already!
I woke up, my eyes streaming with sleepy dream tears, I sat up, remembering I was in Tom's room. I looked over to his bed, seeing him resting on his phone, awake. I yawned, and got up, walking over and sitting on his bed with him he gave me a confused look.
"Tord? What are you doing?" He asked. I began to softly cry, feeling my emotions go haywire. The dream had completely affected me.
"I- I-" I sobbed, he sat up, and held my hands, asking me what had been wrong. I tried shoved my words out into the air. "I fucking hate you! Why. Why am I such a fucking joke Tom!? Is this funny to you? Was the kiss some sort of shitty game? Are you fighting fire with fire, because it's working! And I hate it! And I hate you!" I was weak in this moment. I didn't know what I was doing. Tom laughed a little, petting my hair. I growled, smacking his hand away and tackling him onto the bed. He laughed harder, holding onto me.
"God, you're really in love with me, huh?" He said as I shoved him hard into the bed, trying to regain dominance over the situation.
"FUCK OFF!" I leaned in, forcefully kissing him out of instinct. I felt his body tense and then slowly relax. We kept kissing, our bodies close. He pulled in more, and began fiddling with my shirt. I pulled away, taking him by his wrists and holding his arms above his head. He gave me a confused look.
"What are you intentions, Tord?"
I leaned in and kissed his neck, feeling his body twitch underneath me. I don't care; If I do this he'll think we're close, then I can kill him, then he'll suffer slowly as he dies. Wondering why he ever trusted me. These feeling will go away, and I can return to my army.
I gently nibbled on his neck, making him shake gently and pull his arms around my back. I began to start leaving soft hickeys,
"L...let's.. stop please-" he said, his voice shaking and nervous. I pulled away and looked at him, suddenly realizing what I had been doing. I blushed and moved away, releasing his wrists. He sat up, his face as red as mine.
"S-sorry.." I gently mumbled. I went back to my bed and lied down, feeling my faces warmth. Minutes later I could hear his gentle snoring as he fell asleep.
God I am such a dumbass.
