Between You & Me || Luke & Jai Brooks

Chapter XVII - 9 Months

Three months. It's been three months since he left. No calls. No Skypes. No messages. Nothing. I don't know what to do with myself. I wander aimlessly. School holidays have passed, and I decided to at least start Year 11. The days are passing at light speed, yet dragging to the point where I feel like by Wednesday we should be due the weekend. I don't know how I can last.

* * * *

Five months have passed and I feel like a zombie. Although it kills me inside I can't stop thinking about him. Sometimes I see Alicia and Mel at school, but I avoid their eyes and keep on walking. My birthday has passed. I'm 16 now. I took my driving test. I don't know how they could let me take it looking like I surely do but they did, and I passed. I haven't looked in a mirror for what feels like months. I'm too scared to see what he has turned me into.

* * * *

It's been seven months and I've started coming back to gym. It hurts just to be here but I have to do something. Everyone wanted to talk to me and find out why I was gone but I couldn't talk about it. Somehow I know that if I could just see Luke again, I would be healed. But when he left, I would be worse than now. I keep telling myself I'll get better over time. I just haven't improved yet.

****

Kip, cast, clear hip, scoop, kip, straddle, toe shoot, kip, cast, scoop, tap, tuck, stick. I say it all like a mantra in my head as I feel the bar beneath my grips, sliding from my chalk, twisting my hands to turn. It keeps me alive, gym. I want to say sane but I think my sanity is long gone. If I didn't have gym, when I don't have Luke...

The water spray is cold against my bare hands and I pat the chalk on quickly until my hands are solid white and my grips are coated. It's hard to get it through my head that Luke's gone, again. And Jai. And Gina. And Beau, Daniel, James. It's been nine months, but it still feels like yesterday. I clap my hands to get rid of any loose chalk and take my position before the low bar again.

Crouch, spring, lift your bum, duck your head, straddle, feet to the bar, shoot your feet up, pull the bar, cast, clear hip, scoop, straddle, feet to the bar, shoot your feet up, pull the bar, cast, clear hip. I repeatedly kip and clear hip, kip and clear hip, until I start to feel my hands tearing and I have no strength left to lift my legs. Tears are welling up behind my eyes and I feel my throat start to close up. Liv watches me from the chalk bucket and I force back my tears and jump down to chalk up again. It takes all my willpower to stay strong and it's forcing me to train harder, stronger and longer. Liv starts to say something but I just turn away and she stops, offended.

I feel horrible, ignoring my gym friends, the only people that have always been there for me. But they don't understand. No one understands. Apart from Alicia, maybe. And maybe Mel, I don't know how she felt about Jai. But I haven't seen them since the day Luke left. I've walked past them briefly at school, but I haven't made any contact. With anyone. I'd started slowly pushing people away when I got closer to Luke. And Luke just left me, left my life, walked out. Gone, forever. I'm broken, now. There's only half of me left. He took the other half, the fun half, the loving half. The half with a will, a want, a life. Now I'm empty. An empty shell.

I can't do this. I have to get out of here.

I don't even take off my grips, I just go. I run, tears starting to fall, making little splashes on the wooden floor. I grab my bag and get out, into my car. It's cold, but I'm colder. It's dark out, but it's even darker inside. Inside me. And there's no streetlamps for me. No light. Nothing. Just darkness. I yank off my grips, pull out the handbrake and reverse out, tears clouding my vision.

The road's straight and dark. I speed up. The only spots of light in the dark are the streetlamps by the pavement. Then suddenly there's another pair. Just two, large lights, swinging out of nowhere to shine their thin beams of light on my car, washing over the windscreen and into my eyes. I slam on the brake, but it's too late. There's a screech, a slam, and I feel myself jerk against the seatbelt. My head collides with the windscreen and the darkness within reaches up and pulls me under.