I Complain Too Much

Is this a brain fart or a rant? You decide!!

So let me be a clingy bitch for a chapter, because that's what this rant is all about.

There are certain friends I haven't seen in literally ages. With some of them, I don't care. I'll live. I'll visit them someday. They live in another country and that is fine, they're allowed to. (She was on an exchange trip - exactly like the one I wrote about in that one book but Austria to England and I never went Austria and it was more like six months. But shhhh)

It's a little heartless for me to have that attitude, but at the same time if I cannot travel to another country then why should I worry as much about it? Whereas the friendship I am going to complain about in particular is with someone who literally lives ten minutes away. 

Ten minutes, an aeroplane journey. I'm sure you can see the difference between them in my eyes. 

Anyway, moving swiftly on. 

I haven't seen her since the day before my birthday, which is well over a month. The last time we had a break this big between seeing each other it was four months long, and we weren't in contact at all during that time. Then I used the concept of Lie Detector as an excuse to force her to talk to me again and here we are with me being overly clingy and overly dependent on a friendship I've had for years but only truly appreciated in around April-May time last year. 

The friendship I am on about is, of course, my Taekook buddy. I can only hope that she won't read this chapter, because if she does, then I'm screwed, but nobody mention it to her and we'll be fine. You don't even know who she is, so hopefully I'm safe here. 

I'm not going to explicitly explain why this friendship in particular is so important to me, but I'm going to give you a few clues, see if you can figure it out for yourself. If you think you can link these things together, then pm me and don't expose me in the comments okay that's just mean. 

The oneshot with the bunny emoji, a message I put up this morning (which will be way too much scrolling for anyone who reads this more than a week late so that's just cruel of me to say) and how often I mention her in general. That is all you need to know. That should explain my opinion of her quite well. 

But in all honesty, sometimes I just genuinely wanna see her so I can just give her a hug. Like it's honestly upsetting at times that she's so close and yet so far away at the same time? Why does life have to do this to me??? This is unfair??? 

In reality, yes it would be possible to bug her all the time and force her to give me attention so that I can stop being a whiny child. But sleep exists, and if I bug her in my lessons my teachers will confiscate my phone and then I won't be able to bug her at all. This is a problem for obvious reasons. 

Also, perhaps more stupidly, there's this thing called 'what if I'm being annoying and she doesn't wanna talk to me and she's forcing herself to talk to me out of pity?'

It's probably not actually the case (because she's a nice person), but I'm sure you understand how internal thoughts work and how they tend to be a bit of a meanie. That doesn't excuse said logic, but myeh it's the only explanation I can feasibly give you, so hopefully you'll just take it and we can move on with the rant. 

I've missed out on giving her birthday and (a very late) Christmas presents because I haven't seen her in that long. And I've had vid calls with her and stuff but still it's not the same as seeing her in real life. A virtual conversation is laggy, and how can you give someone a hug if they're not actually physically there? 

Sure, it's childish of me to complain about when some people deal with much larger distance and much more time apart but remember that I'm a clingy child who demands attention at all times. I may be a seventeen year old on the outside, but I'm actually more like a ten year old on the inside. Don't let my writing fool you, I'm a kid still.