I Complain Too Much

I'm rambling again (i decided which it was lol)

Hey wonders, your favourite petty brat is back!!

I don't know if I'm complaining, ranting or rambling right now but I don't think it really matters that much. All three of them are basically the same thing at this point, so defining the exact type of dialogue I'm using here would be a waste of time.

Anyway, moving on.

I actually have some good news for once! Taekook buddy and I are going to see Blackpink!!!! They're coming to the U.K., at long last!

I'll be honest, I'm not as hype as I was when it was Bangtan, but I'm still very hype and very excited to see them live. It's gonna be lit. And it's gonna be an excuse to hang out with one of my best friends, which is of course also important to me.

I just like to spend time with my friends. That is the only excuse I can give you.

Anyway, Blackpink. I'm really excited, even if I have no idea how I'll get there or how I'll get home or any of those little unimportant details. It's a while away. We have time to figure those out. I'm not worried about that in the slightest.

I guess I do worry about it, and whether it's safe and whether we'll get there and all of that stuff, but at the same time I don't because there's some things you just have to forget about in an attempt to stay sane, ya know? It's just one of those little things that people try not to think about. If I spend the next few months focusing on tiny details that I can't control, I'll go mad.

I mean, I'm basically mad anyway, so it doesn't make that much of a difference, but let's skip over that for now if we may. Y'all already know what I'm like by this point, so it doesn't bother me that much anymore.

In a complete change of topic, I have written something new (music related) since the last time I spoke to you on here. I've created a song which is purely for the wonders. Purely for the people who read my books and support me, no matter whether they're silent readers or the most active people on the platform. I don't mind if you never say anything. I only hope that you're enjoying what you're reading. That's all that really matters to me.

But it's the fact that you're here in the first place which amazes me. As I've said a million times before on books and announcements and whatever else I could use to explain myself, I never expected anyone to actually go 'hmmm I think I'll read that' and then go 'hmmm this be good' in terms of my writing and my work. That, to me, is basically impossible. And yet here we are, three years down the line, and some of you have been here since the very beginning.

I don't know how you've stuck around so long.

But yes, that's why I decided that you deserve something of your own, something to almost give back to you as a thank you for being here for all this time, for this lil nerd. I don't know when I'll get a chance to actually get it fully finished. It could take months before I can get everything recorded, everything sorted onto a singular project, and the vocals and backing vocals and harmonies and the post production. All of it takes a long time, especially for someone with no equipment other than a laptop to get it started.

So yes, I do keep telling you shout all of these projects and ideas and concepts that I'm trying to do, musically. But the reality is that it's going to be a long time before I even think about getting a functional album together, because I simply don't have the resources at my fingertips to make it all happen in a few weeks. These are projects you'll see in years, most likely. Though I do hope to introduce you to the musical side of me earlier than that. I don't wanna be like nearly thirty and still have no time to get any production done. That would just be a waste.

Having said that, the sheer amount of travelling I plan to do with taekook buddy may slow that process down. We wanna go all around Europe and Asia and America and all the places and obviously that takes time. And I can't exactly bring delicate and sensitive equipment everywhere.

But then again, some places will have studios that I will beg to be allowed to hire out for like an hour or something to record a vocal part or something like that, which I can edit into the final song later on. I don't know. It's a stupid dream, but I've had it this long, so I might as well keep following it even if it means that I struggle a lot through many things.

That's not an excuse for pity, or for sympathy or any of that crap. Nah, I just need to make sure y'all understand how long these things can take, and how complicated they are, even if it seems easy for people at the top of the game. Once you have the right stuff and the right fanbase, it doesn't take as long to record and produce because you don't have to save up to buy it again.

That seems simple enough, right?

I sure hope it is.

I'll keep thinking up projects to do, but honestly I won't get them started properly for another two years yet. I need qualifications to fall back on, because without those I can't - I don't know, get a job? And this economy demands I have money if I expect stuff??? That follows in my brain? I think it makes sense?

But yeah, that's why I keep going 'oh and wonders I had this musical idea' and then not actually providing proof of said idea. In a sense, it's partially because I'm not ready to reveal my identity and stuff like that, which is kinda weird, but I'm sure I can be forgiven for something like that. Just because y'all probably have the same issue on at least one platform.

For now, all I can ask is that you trust me. I promise that one day, if I manage to get any of this done, you'll see it, whether I like the work or not. I will try to get it done because I want to, not because I feel obligated to. Just like with requests or with anything like that. It's a choice, not an order, if that's proper English. At this point, I don't know.

Words are hard.