I Complain Too Much

Was I productive or not? the thrilling conclusion! Need opinions on a thing

Here we go, y'all. This book is finally getting an update and it only took me a million years.

So I posted on my message board that I'd tell you if I managed to be productive, and how I managed to do it (if I didn't I would suggest why and stuff). I don't really know why? I just felt like it? But that's what the message board is for? So????? Forgive me?

So how did it all go? Did I manage to be productive?

Surprisingly enough, for a while I managed to get some work done. I've nearly finished the tasks that I think I need to do, at least for Monday? And that's good enough for me at this point. Let's ignore the fact that I spent the afternoon doing basically nothing. I put all blame on my extra piano lesson (I've got an exam that I'm gonna fail on Tuesday, give me sympathy). Because I was focusing so much on getting my pieces right.

The problem I face there is that the grades aren't my style. I like songwriting, composing, working out the songs I enjoy by ear. I've got quite a few BTS ones that I can play pretty well now, and a few that I can play when I know what the chords are. It's not exactly the best way to improve, but now I know every note and the pedal and all sorts of cool settings and Bolu is now my best friend so...it ended out okay?

Honestly though? I don't know if my day counts as productive. A couple of ideas and motivational stuff came to me. There are a few things in the works that will probably have to wait until next year to be revealed, but we'll figure that out when we get there.

Oh and I was thinking....without giving away any details, how would you feel if I decided that I wanted to start teasing you with stuff ages before things happened? So for example, if sometimes on my message board I'll put something random in quote marks on and it'll all lead to something? I don't really know how that's gonna play out but it just sounds like so much fun but I don't know how y'all would react to that. So lemme know if I should give that some serious consideration.

It could be music, it could be writing. It could be anything at this point who goddamn knows. I'm hoping that when I leave the education system I'll have the time and everything I need to actually start producing, as I've told you before. And maybe that teasing thing would be my way of doing that. Of course it's still a long way off. But I wanna be prepared, so that I can actually make something of myself.

It may seem a little weird to wanna link my writing and my music together, and technically reveal my identity and stuff to you in the future. But to me it makes sense. With music, any form of success only comes with having support behind you, which is something I've somehow managed to create with you guys. Why would I throw that away when I know for sure that some of you would quite happily give my music a listen, even if you don't like it? It's certainly worth a try, anyway. I don't feel like I'm using you, though. I would never use you like that.

I just want my work to matter to someone. Somewhere. That's all. I need a legacy, something I leave behind, someone to remember me if I vanish or whatever. And somehow I've formed a little group of wonderful people who seem to like my writing and forgive me for being an utter mess. Somehow I've managed to persuade you guys to listen to what I have to say. I still don't understand it. But I don't see the point of putting that to waste.

Besides, now that I've talked about music so much, it seems only fair to share it with you guys?

Anyway. Productivity. Apologies for the tangent, it's been a weird day.

So what did I do?

I had my work and my laptop with me. Headphones in, listening to Marina and the Diamonds and her work. I also had my messages up for social media and my iPod notifications on 'Do Not Disturb'. I do that a lot to be honest. Not because I don't love hearing from y'all. But because it feels better when I look at my notifications and that way it's easier to focus. (Please still talk to me though. I'm a lonely bean.)

The secret is to be on your desktop screen instead of on your tumblr feed or explore page. Because it's less distracting. And yes, maybe sometimes I did turn to look over at my laptop and write some stuff? But I'm allowed. I'm a writer that's kinda what I do if I can't do that then I'm basically not breathing. Plus breaks are important or something like that.

I'm just gonna say that and persuade myself that's why I do stuff like that oops. It's better than I've been for a while though, with the whole productivity thing, so that's a good.

Seriously. Yesterday I got something like 1500 words written in only two hours, something which can take a full day or even longer at other times. Miracles do happen. And I'm glad they do, otherwise I run out of drafts. (But don't worry, it's why I write the way I do. To avoid issues with schedule and appear less of a mess does it work???)

Anyway, I oughta get some sleep as I've got work tomorrow and I already know it's gonna be busy because apparently bad weather means more customers. More doggos tho, so it's not all bad thank the universe. Last week we had a ten week old puppy so...that was wonderful as the day itself was hell.

But that's beside the point.

Love y'all wonders, don't be scared to comment and talk even whilst I'm doing a sleep because replying in the morning is hopefully forgivable and stuff. You know I love to hear from you, as I always have.

Izzy.

Zzz

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