As you say

Chapter 24

I don't really know where I am.

The second school was out I ran. Home, then I turned and ran past it. I don't want to be home right now.

I want to be alone.

I don't know why, but it hasn't hit me until now. The pain.

I turn, my back arching up into the air, blurry stars trying to portray comforting lights.

I don't know how long I've been here.

I had kept running until I fell. And when I had fallen so many times that I couldn't get back up again, I stayed.

My heart is ripped, torn fucking shredded apart. I bite down on my fist trying to keep the sobs from bursting, ripping out of me.

I didn't know the extent of pain until today. When he came and apologized, actually willing to be friends... I am so, so empty-so, so full.

My tears have wet my shirt, my sleeves, even my jeans. They don't stop flowing.

I want to Morph; animals-wolves-can not experience emotional pain on this level. But I can not bring myself to do it.

I have to feel this, because this is for him. He broke me today, because he needed me. He broke me because he thinks this is what I want.

"I don't want this!" I scream at the moon again. I will have no voice tomorrow.

I bite my knuckles until the hot blood fills my mouth and I have to spit it out, lest I choke. The physical pain doesn't distract me. Nothing can distract me right now.

I jump up and run through the spots clouding my vision until I near the edge of the meadow. My fists rain down on every tree that comes in my path.

I let out a choked scream when something snaps in my right hand, yet I don't care about the consequences.  I know I will heal faster than the speed of light when I Morph anyway. All I want to feel is a distraction. I am not provided with one.

My veins are filled with this sorrow, my mind is clouded with this sorrow, my heart is mangled with this sorrow.

I feel like I can no lnger breathe. So I don't. I don't fear it; I know you can't die by holding your breath.

So I only hold it until I pass out.

I wake up when I'm being yelled at. When I'm being embraced. They took most of the night looking for me, this I know. How, I don't know. Maybe it's because I didn't know how far I ran. I won't be able to walk tomorrow.

But I will feel tomorrow.  Tomorrow I will feel sorry that I made my parents and Ashton worry about me. Tomorrow I will feel enraged that I didn't start my English task today. Tomorrow I will feel empty, so full of emptiness.

When I get laid in my bed at four in the morning, I somehow have no idea where my meadow has gone. I also realise the reason I exploded. The pain, I now embrace it.

I didn't know the full extent of pain before today, but now I force myself to embrace it, because I know.

I know this will be the last time I will let myself cry for Blake.

Now, I am done.