As you say

Chapter 31

My knees shake as I walk down the stairs to the kitchen, combing my wet hair.

"Zaili? Is that you?" Mum calls to me from the living room.

'No, it's Timon and Pumba,' I think sarcastically.

"Yeah, is Ashton here?" I ask as I enter the living room area.

"Not yet, honey, but come sit with us," Mum pats to the seat next to her. Dad sits with downcast eyes across the room.

"Okay," I mutter and, cautiously, sit next to my mum.

"How are you feeling?" she asks as she looks me in the eyes.

"Fine. Why?" I look back at her.

"Oh, honey, you're so strong. I know how bad this is for you, but it has to happen. And can you help me try to convince your father that he is not to blame?" Mum says quietly.

Dad may as well be across the world for all the reaction he provided.

"Dad, really? This has nothing to do with you! You know you have to be a Peaceholder first, and a family man second, yeah? The Pack is the most important thing in our lives, at our present stage. I am honored to be given the opportunity for a place in it. Don't beat yourself up over this, okay?" I say, trying to stare Dad down.

He sighs.

This eye-thing isn't going to work for him. The daughter technique is up next.

I walk across the room and sit on his lap, folding my arms around his neck.

"Don't be upset for me," I command him softly.

His arms hug me closer and I give him one last squeeze as I hear Ashton's Big Boy approaching.

"I'll just go get that, I mutter as the motorcycle stopped.

"Racket," Dad mutters, still glum about the whole Pack-first-family-second thing.

"Hey," Ashton gives me a soft smile. He holds his arms out for a hug and I launch myself at him. I don't know how it happened so fastly, but he became a rock in my life. It must be his fabulous hair-sarcasm is following me everywhere today.

Maybe it's because I've just realised that I may be spending the remainder of my life with him.

Or it's the hair.

"How are you?" Ashton asks as I hold on to him even tighter. I don't want him to feel how badly my hands are shaking.

"Fine," I mutter back. My brain is starting to feel slightly fuzzy, but that could be for multiple reasons. A, he smells really good. B, recent happenings could be labeled as overwhelming. C, he is hugging me really tight. And D, he smells really good.

I have no idea where all this attraction is coming from. Apparently infatuation makes me mentally lazy.

"Do you want to go for a ride?" he asks softly into my ear. His voice is groggy. I have no idea if it can be descrives as groggy, but whatever.

'Yeah, because I need to cling even tighter onto you," I think to myself.

"No, I just want to be... calm. Yeah, be calm," I mutter and shrug out of his embrace.

"Can I ask you something?" Ashton asks as I settle down underneath an old tree in the yard. I love this tree.

"Yeah?" I ask him wearily as he plops down next to me.

"Are you afraid?" he asks me softly.

"Terrified," I whisper. Ashton puls me closer so he can hug me again. I bury my head in his neck. Ugh, he smells nice. Like the tree.

I must be high or soemthing. No, I'm extremely stressed, that's why I have so many illogical thoughts.

"So Alpha is going to hit you now?" Ashton asks. His voice still sounds groggy, but it's laced with a tightness I think is protectiveness. My heart flutters.

"No, that we only do with you newcomers," I tease him.

"I have no idea how this works," he admits.

"Okay, well, we only have the current Alpha attack the newcomer because the surprise of the attack pushes his or her natural instinct into action so we can assess your personality. Since we Pack-born have all experienced such an Initiation, we are forced to take part in a different process. We sit in the middle of the Center, and we try to push our personalities outwards. According to the, um, vibes the Pack will feel coming off of us, they decide together which position who is fit to have. The one catch is that the position agreed on must be agreed on by the entire Pack. Unanimous. We trust Alpha with those who we do not know, and he trusts us with those we do know. It works."

"So I'm going to help assess you?" Ashton asks.

"Yeah," I say and lie back onto the grass.

We lay there all afternoon. We didn't talk. I didn't tell Ashton that we may, officially, be mates after tonight, because that would force me to believe it. I don't want to believe it.

I don't want to cry.