As you say

Chapter 8

My back starts to grow numb as I sit, my back supported, I bang my head against my door.

"Stupid..." I mutter to myself. God, I'm mental. I am an idiot. A proper one. I have the genetical faults and everything. My brain is a factory fault.

I sigh as I look at my phone, my screensaver popping up. Zaili and I wearing "sheepsuits"-as she called them-to a Halloween party two years ago. That is where I officially met the girl that alienates normal people in the hallways. The coincidence. "Eeny meeny miney moron," I mutter as I move my finger from her head to mine.

I can't believe I did that. I am so glad I finally did. I despise myself for doing it. I close my eyes and replay the memory. If I replayed it a thousand times again it would still be a thousand times too little. I sigh and close my eyes, thinking about last night. It was simultaneously the most contempt night and the most joyous night I have ever experienced.

'Stupid Stephanie,' I think to myself as I trudge down the hall. I don't even know how she got my number. My room's door was ajar, I watch through the gap as Zaili lays on my bed. I loved her on my bed. I enter and she looks at me, her big green eyes locking onto mine. Her expression is gaurded. I wanted to take it down, layer upon layer. I wanted to ve close to her, close enough to think I could hold her if I tried. God, this is sad.

"Good boy!" she mocks and ruffles my hair as I sit against the bed.

"Woof," I play along.

"So what did Stephanie want?"  She seemed hesitant. 

"She just wanted to know if I wanted to go watch this new horror movie with her," I lied. I turned her down faster than Randall can kill an Idol's dream. Stephanie was so different from Zaili: blonde hair styled in everyday "in thing" methods; skin at least twelve shades too dark; actually wears make-up; considers high heels preferable; and is only a few IQ points above being a corpse.

"And?" She didn't seem to have picked up on my lie.

"And I told her she was out of luck, since I do not watch that shit, then mentioned I would be watching Marvel's X-Men : Days of Future Past with you and she couldn't hang up quicker."

"Oh," was her entire sentence. Then Mum calls us for dinner, and if one thing is ever true about Mum, it's that she has a horrible sense of timing. Back on my fith grade picture day she decided that she wanted to dye her ow. hair blue and be one of the 'cool moms'. She was all but bald in the family photos.

I didn't want to leave, she rarely allowed us being entirely alone together. But I get up anyway and wait for Zaili. Unfortunately, staying in moving vechiles for a long period at a time can put Zaili down for days at a time.

As Zaili stands she loses focus, and me being me knows exactly what is happening to her.

"Woah, head rush," I smiled, grabbing her aroind the waist as she swayed. Just to be safe I put the other hand on her as well. I can't let her get hurt.

And I can't lie to myself either.

Zaili doesn't move. Neither do I, because I am afraid that if I do, she would lock herself back into that little safe of her. I close my eyes and focus on the feel of my hands on Zaili. It feels... more than natural.... Unnatural! It feels unnatural and I love it. No seconds or even full sentences could compare to the moment my lips touches her. My head was about to explode with all the buzzing feelings.

But she is Zaili, and I forgot that. She wretched away from me and ran out my door. Out my house. I knew there would be no resoning with her; she would never be convinced that she can trust us alone again. She would be locked up inside herself. She would be cut off. I despised myself for fetting what I wanted.

My heart clenches as I am thinking. I

Tjey say it is physically impossible for a heart to break, but mind over matter, and my mind was set. My heart clenches again. I am alone.