The bathroom has always been a place so filled with emotions. This is the place I got the earlieat hiding I could remember. This is the place where I "practised" for my Idols auditions. This is the place I squealed in when my first crush smiled at me. This is the place where I cried when I learned we could never be something.
This is the place when reality struck my head-on. It hit me so hard I was shaken to my very core, my center collapsed.
The bathwater had turned lukewarm the moment I sat down. It's like I could find the comfort in the heat I could provide. Like nothing is enough.
Stupid expectations for a bath.
My tears are colder than the water. Ice cold.
Is anything ever enough for me? Or do I have to try and push harder? Break the limit?
A strangled sob ripped through my chest before I could stuff it away like the rest. Another soon followed.
It was finally full. I had stuffed so many emotions into my heart that it was flowing over. It was cracking, leaking.
Grabbing my towl behind my head, I smother every sound, animalistic or not. My parents don't need to suffer too, knowing this was the only life I can live. Alpha controls me.
I did my best, yet it wasn't enough to let my parents stay in the dark.
"Zaili? Baby? Are you okay? What happened?" Mums panicked voice comes from outside.
"N-nothing, Mum-m, I'm just sorting t-hing out-t," I try to swallow my self-pitying sobs.
"Oh, baby, I understand."
She really does. Mum knows exactly how I feel right now. Yet she's so loving, I am amazed to think you can outlive this and not be bitter.
Swallowing my tears wasn't happening. My heart wanted to let everything out, and right now I'm going to give it free reins. I'll deal with the consequences later.
So I throw my head back and let go. At times I sob, other I'm silent, other I scream, other I whimper. No matter what, I was going to let go tonight, then I'll seel the cracks and starg hoarding up again.
I cried for everything. For the life I can't live, for the world I don't fit in, for the children I can't have, for the future I will have. For what I have now. I cried.
My thoughts are so selfish, so unimportant, yet I treat them like delicate china, because they seem to matter. I need them to matter. I really do. For once I need me to matter.
Just for once.
My lungs are burning, my head
is pounding, my throat is hurting. But my heart is living. I can't tell you how it feels. The physical pain was so much weaker than the mental release.
'I needed this.'
By the time the last tear dripped into the bath, the water was ice cold.
YOU ARE READING
As you say
Roman pour AdolescentsZaili Amberton is alone. The cliché is that she is surrounded. She is surrounded by family, by friends, by the Pack. By her fellow Morphs. But as new rivals strike up against everything that Zaili believes to be true, disaster strikes. With big shoe...
