As you say

Chapter 30

"Alpha, are you serious? Is the situation dire enough?" Dad asks, his gaze pleading with our Alpha. He was the first one to break the silence that filled the Center after Alpha had finished his little speech.

"Yes. Marcel, we need new members, we need to start building this pack stronger. This entire pack could depend on these three," Alpha said, his eyes flickering to mine, Shane's and Calla's.

"Then I do not object, Alpha," Dad answered. His eyes locked onto mine. Alpha looked from Dad to our seven other Peaceholders. Nothing.

My heartbeat started hicupping; I'd go into a panic, then calm down, then keep working through the repetitive process. The trepidation seemed to tighten a coil in my chest.

Through it all, I made sure nobody noticed. They do not need to.

"Initiation of Zaili Amberton, Calla Shadows and Shane Miller are to take place at midnight tonight. I expect every Morph present, no exceptions, lest you are dying or giving birth," Alpha said with a slight smile.

"You are excused," Alpha climded down from the stump and slipped into the wood.

"Meet me at my house in an hour?" I ask as Ashton turns to meet my eyes. He was still clutching my hand.

"Okay. Just stay with your parents, yeah?" his eyes search mine. I have no idea what he was hoping to find in my expression, but he seemed satisfied when I nodded. His warm lips rested for a few seconds before he closed again.

"See you then," he murmurd into my hair and turned. He walked like he had replaced his spine with a violin's bow.

I don't know why he was stressing, I'm the one who suddenly have to completely give up my freedom of expression two months too early. I am the one who has to give her drams for her life up to be ruled over eight weeks early. I am the one who thought I had 57 days left to be me.

I am being petty.

'Control yourself,' I think. I don't need too be selfless, but I don't need to be selfish.

The pack needs me, and I am ready to serve under my Alpha. My entire childhood is simply a training for what will be a finality tonight.

"Zaili, why don't you go catch a shower, put on some fresh clothes? Just give your head a bit of time to catch up, okay?" Mum smiled tentatively as I srepped into the house. I smile and nod at her.

The second I step into the shower I don't know how I would be able to get out before midnight. The water was too hot, but my muscles-and my mind-was temporarily at ease.

"Zaili! Time is a neccesity, not a talent! Get out!" Dad calls through the door.

"I'm coming," I mumble. The water slowly pours down my back as I sit down in the middle of the shower. It's cold, but I'm numb. Every cell on the surface of my skin has been temporarily shut down.

I bite my tongue. Not hard enough to cause any damage, but hard enough to keep the tears at bay.

If my Initiation is tonight, I lose my choices. I lose my time.

I realise that I am losing something else tonight.

If I become a mature Pack member, I will be eligible to be mated

I may lose a chance of love. Real love.

A single tear joins the water flowing into the drain before I shut it all off.