Six of Crows Texting

Sturmhond

Nina: inej, what did he say?

Inej: he didn't seem too mad

Jesper: really?!

Inej: well, i think we all owe him an apology

Wylan: I agree, yesterday got really out of hand.

Wylan added Kaz to the Dregs

Kuwei: Hello, Kaz. It is me, Kuwei Yul-Bo :))

Kaz has removed Kuwei from the Dregs

Nina: awww kaz!

MatthiasHelvar: Lmao hahaha.

Jesper: no matthias, end it with an !

MatthiasHelvar: Lmao hahaha!

Jesper: he's learning :')

Kaz: Are we ready to get down to business?

Inej: yes

Nina: sure

Wylan: yeah.

MatthiasHelvar: yes.

Kaz: Jes?

Jesper: fine.

Kaz: Good, because I have contacted someone located somewhere in the true sea to talk some sense into all of you and help us gather information for our problem in the Southern Colonies. Like me, he knows all about leading large groups with interests other than following orders. He is a king, after all.

Kaz has added Sturmhond to the Dregs.

Wylan: oh no

Jesper: oh yes

Sturmhond: Uh, Brekker? 

Kaz: Is there a problem?

MatthiasHelvar: Why did you call him a king? That slang term wasn't in Nina and Jesper's power point presentation. 

Inej: i think kaz meant he's the king of the sea cause he's a pirate

Jesper: privateer

Sturmhond: Privateer

Sturmhond: Jinx 

Nina: no, we made sure that atticus sujnacki of the wandering isle was to be called king of the sea

Wylan: Are we changing the king of the sea?

Kaz: No. I accidentally added the wrong contact to the group.

Kaz has added Nikolai to the Dregs

Kaz: I don't know, just figure something out.

Inej: figure what out?

Nikolai: Uhhhh

Nikolai: Whatever do you mean? What am I to be figuring out?

Sturmhond: Oh, I think you are supposed to figure out what to say to Kaz's crew.

Nikolai: Yes, that sounds like a good explanation. 

Nina: waitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwaitwait

Nina: how does kaz brekker have contact with the king of ravka?

Nikolai: That is a VERY good question.

Jesper: what is going on

Nikolai: I think someone should remove Sturmhond from the chat to make things less confusing.

Sturmhond: I agree, I have so many privateer things to do.

Jesper: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jesper: Kaz don't!

Kaz: You heard the privateer, he's busy.

Sturmhond: Yes, very busy.

Sturmhond: Nina Zenik of the Second Army, remove Sturmhond from this group chat at once. 

Nina: i don't take orders from pirates who talk in third person

Sturmhond: Ignore that last message, my little sister sent it.

Jesper: what other family members do you have?

Wyalan: Don't make a fool of yourself in front of the shiny privateer, Jes.

MatthiasHelvar: I had a little sister once...

Nina: oof

MatthiasHelvar: :'(

Nikolai: Now that Sturmhond's little sister mentions it, Nina should remove Sturmhond. Or anyone should, really just get him out of here. 

Sturmhond: Yes, goodbye all off you!

Inej: *of

Kaz: They don't tolerate misspelled words very well.

Nikolai: You have a lot of nerve correcting a king.

Wylan: Relax, she was correcting Sturmhond.

Nikolai: Oh of course!

Sturmhond: You do have a lot of nerve, Inej. I don't believe we met during my last trip to Ketterdam. How do you pronounce your name?

Kaz has removed Sturmhond from the Dregs

Jesper: wait i actually wanted to know that last part

Kaz: So, Your Highness, have anything you would like to say to my crew?

Nikolai: Yeah uh let me think.

Kaz: Take your time.

Nikolai: So we're all communicating right now, how are we connected?

Wylan: I programmed each of our devices to send messages to the nearest SMS tower then directly to the people in the group chat.

Nikolai: Cool.

Kaz: Actually, I was thinking you could explain to them exactly what happens to a country when the soldiers don't follow orders from their leaders and maybe let us in on some of the intel you've gathered from your spies overseas.  

Inej: Your Highness, is it true that you have armies of spies located in every corner of the world?

NIkolai: Call me Nikolai, and yes it is.

Nina: that's so awesome

Nikolai: Ikr?

Jesper: DUDE! you came to our powerpoint presentation? 

Nikolai: Of course I did, all the major world leaders were there. Most of them were in disguise.  

Jesper: that's understandable

Nikolai: Yeah, there's all sorts of bounty hunters lurking around Ketterdam. 

Nina: gcn

Kaz: Okay, what does gcn mean? 

Nikolai: It means good call, Nikolai. You didn't go to the presentation?

MatthiasHelvar: He didn't!

Kaz: Can we focus now? Nikolai?

Nikolai: Right, you guys should listen to Kaz.

Wylan: How do you travel from different nations so fast?

Nikolai: Let's just say I have the right resources. 

Kaz: I just got word from Pim, we no longer own any jerda fields in the Southern Colonies.  

Inej: you trust the grisha in your army with your life? i mean, they could kill you if they wanted to

Nikolai: Ask Nina about that, she grew up in the Little Palace and knows all about the king's grisha.

Nina: :)

Kaz: Pim says our sugar silos are likely to be hit next.

Jesper: rip 

to be continued...

Don't worry, the next chapter will be more funny. I think it's going to take place during the first book and be what it would be like if they had a group chat during the heist.