Missing You Every Step Of The Way (Bellarke)

S1 - An Unavoidable Death

Bellamy knew the second he laid eyes on Atom that he was in no fit state to survive.

Even as the thoughts of rushing to get medical help from Clarke and calling for a stretcher entered his mind, his body remained frozen; eyes sweeping up and down the blistered and shaking body of his friend.

A friend he had tied to a tree not 1 day ago.

Guilt washed over him in tidal waves as the knife in his hand hovered loosely over Atom's shaking chest. He'd been so concerned with Charlotte's safety that he had forgotten all else and left Atom to die.

It was his fault and the blame sunk him to his knees. Sweat accumulated on his brow as Atom's shallow pleas to "kill...me" echoed throughout Bellamy's head. He already knew he was a murderer but the distance of the gun had allowed him to sleep at night. With Atom's neck exposed he tightened his jaw, and reached the ultimatum he had been fearing: he couldn't do it.

A branch snapped behind him and his eyes darted over his shoulder to see Clarke stood motionless in the clearing. Her expression was one of concern as she saw the body lying next to Bellamy's knees. Quickly she rushed over to Atom's side and met Bellamy's gaze.

The situation was not hopeful.

"I heard screams," Clarke laid a tentative hand on Atom's abdomen and assessed the blister wounds adorning his face, neck and arms. She could feel his laboured breathing and glanced up at Bellamy's gaunt expression. Her eyes softened as she realised what he had been trying to do.

"I sent Charlotte back to camp, she...." Bellamy's words failed him as he stared down at Atom's clouded eyes. He knew in that moment that he would never forget that image, and he was helpless to the outcome.

Bellamy gazed at Clarke, the pain and fear clear in his eyes. The knife remained in his hand.

Clarke knew all too well that Atom wasn't going to make it and looked up to see Bellamy still staring at her. A bead of sweat made its way down his forehead. Clarke looked down at Atom once more before meeting Bellamy's gaze and solemnly shaking her head.

Bellamy's last shred of hope at Atom's survival disappeared and he lowered his head in defeat; staring at Clarke's hand on Atom's chest.

With one final look at Bellamy, Clarke knew she only had one choice. She had assisted her mother countless time in surgeries and knew when it was best to let someone slip away. Slowly she repositioned herself and flashed a brave smile at Atom, in the hope that he could feel some comfort.

"Okay. I'm going to help you," she stated in a voice that reminded Bellamy of the voice he used to reassure Octavia that 'everything was going to be okay'. He looked up to see strands of Clarke's blond hair falling forward in a golden curtain, as she leant forward to stroke Atom's head.

She softly began to hum a tune as her fingertips grazed the tops of Atom's hair.

Bellamy stared at her confused and stunned at the same time. The humming was beautifully peaceful, each note carefully sung. The grace and care in her voice made him freeze where he sat as he watched her stroke Atom's head. Gradually Atom's shaking and seizing began to calm as Clarke reached for Bellamy's knife.

The graze of her fingertips on his hand was enough for Bellamy to stare at Clarke with a feeling he didn't know he possessed; especially for the person who challenged him at every decision. With bated breath, he watched Clarke turn the knife over in one hand and aim for Atom's neck; all the while humming her tune as her eyebrows furrowed in concentration and buried fear at the same time. Bellamy knew that she was taking the burden from him and a new kind of admiration and amazement at the girl in front of him awakened. After all the arguments about what was best for the camp and how to defeat the Grounders, he realised that the strong, blonde girl sat in front of him was ten times the person he would ever be. She was stubborn at the best of times but COULD make the hard decisions. He had been the hypocrite.

Clarke continued to hum to Atom as she readied herself for what it would take to kill someone. All that she knew was that she couldn't let him suffer any longer.

With a steady hand, she slipped in the knife into Atom's neck until she knew she had reached to Artery before removing it and laying on the ground next to her. She continued to hum, in an effort to block out what she had just done but once she no longer felt the shaking, rise and fall, of Atom's chest, did she know that it was over.

Bellamy hadn't taken his eyes off of her the entire time and couldn't imagine what must be going through her head. He saw her eyes flit across Atom's, now still, body and her humming abruptly stopped. The pool of blood around Atom's neck had snaked its way across the ground to where Clarke's hand lay on the ground steadying her. The blood had soaked her sleeve but she made no effort to remove her hand.

Bellamy's gaze softened to concern as he watched Clarke continue to stroke Atom's hair as if possessed. With care, Bellamy quickly took Clarke's hand and snapped her out of her daze. She was visibly shaking as he carefully took her hand away from Atom's head and proceeded to take off his jacket to lay over the body, in an attempt to get the haunted look of death on Atom's face out of, both his and Clarke's, heads.

Clarke knew that what she had done was right yet it felt so wrong. Her hand remained hovering in the air from where Bellamy left it as she looked up to see him looking down at her with a mixture of sympathy and concern.

Realising how she must have looked, she snapped out of her reverie and flashed him a quick smile of reassurance that she was okay.

She wasn't. But he didn't need to know that.

Bellamy watched as Clarke flashed him a pained smile that he knew was filled with the guilt of taking someone's life; no matter what the circumstances. He knew she was hurting and sat stunned at her strength. To let him know that she was okay after taking the burden from him was enough to make him see her in a whole new light. She was strong and he could see that now.

Clarke stared at her blood covered hand in solemn horror. Bellamy saw the unshed tears in her eyes and offered her a scrap of cloth from his trouser pocket. He wanted to protect her from this but knew that it had been an unavoidable death. He couldn't have done it.

"Clarke..." he breathed. He was concerned at how silent she had become.

"It's okay," she replied while wiping the blood from her hand and stood up. "We should call for help and get a stretcher here."

Bellamy covered Atoms' face with his jacket before standing up to meet Clarke's gaze.

They knew what the other was feeling. Guilt, grief, remorse, worry and pain. They shared those feelings as leaders anyway and they now, both knew it.

Bellamy watched as a solitary tear made its way down Clarke's cheek and it took everything in him not to wipe it away with his thumb. Clarke saw Bellamy's hand drop as she brushed the tear away with the back of her hand and made to turn and call for backup.

Without thinking, Bellamy reached for her hand and the contact sent a current through him. He wanted to comfort her; to tell her that she was strong and that he had been wrong about her making hard decisions. Instead, he stared into her eyes and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

Stunned, Clarke stared back as Bellamy before letting her hand sit in his for a few moments. She smiled back at him in a way that conveyed understanding. She saw his vulnerability and deeply appreciated that he had allowed that side open to her.

With one final squeeze Bellamy let go of Clarke's hand and shouted to the surrounding scouts that they needed help.

"Thanks." Clarke began to make her way up the small hill to gain a better vantage point. Bellamy's eyes lingered on Clarke's form before solemnly smiling to himself despite the situation.

He finally understood her strength and realised that without her he'd be lost.

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Thank you for reading this as my first one-shot/ scene replay kinda thing. I hope you liked this imagine as I always wondered what we might've seen if only the scene had lasted longer.

Anyway, THANK YOU for being amazing and giving me hope and confidence to keep writing by simply being here and becoming a reader of my ideas.

You're the best!

- Unconventionalist212 :)