Missing You Every Step Of The Way (Bellarke)

S1 - Always There

Bellamy searched frantically through the dropship for the sleeping form of Octavia.

The burning torch in his hand illuminated the worry lines that seemed to have embedded themselves into his face ever since he had taken to watching out for Octavia from the day they had landed. Bellamy's breath began to speed up as he stumbled over sleeping bodies and slumbering limbs. He earned a few groaning protests as his boots made contact with the odd finger or two. But once the bodies knew who had stepped on them, they decided against questioning Bellamy's urgency.

The second and third floors of the dropship yielded no results. Bellamy decided on his next course of action and began hurrying his way around the make-shift tents that dotted the site surrounding the dropship.

His mind was racing a million miles per hour as he wondered if Octavia was hurt. Was she dead in a ditch somewhere? Had she been kidnapped by Grounders? Had she simply wandered off and got lost in the woods?

Bellamy knew better than to think the worst, but in this situation, he didn't know what else to do. Octavia was the only person in the world he had left of his family. The only person he would willingly die for if the choice came, but Octavia wasn't the only person on his mind.

Clarke. The events of the day had truly wiped him out. Guilt was all he could seem to feel after Clarke had reprimanded him over and over again about the significance of the radio. He thought he was doing what was best. What was best for all of them. What was best for Octavia. If the Ark didn't come down then he wouldn't have to be separated from Octavia again but Jaha wasn't the kind of man who would just 'forgive and forget'. Not after he had 'almost' killed him.

Hearing Raven say it seemed to have jolted him back to reality. He hadn't killed someone. Clarke's face that day had been so full of determination that it was almost rubbing off on him. She had said he wasn't a murderer and a tidal wave of relief had washed over him, if only for a second.

Now he was going to become a murderer after all. By killing 300 people. All for throwing away a radio. He had only done it for his own benefit; he knew that now and the way Clarke had looked at him after he had jokingly called her "Princess" was enough to make the smile die from his face. Guilt had risen up and engulfed him (all in the space of a minute) after she had yelled at him, anger coursing through her, that he had just condemned 300 people to die from population control.

Clarke was the one who had reminded him that he was both good and terrible at the same time.

She's something - he thought to himself.

At this moment, however, he couldn't think of anyone else but Octavia. He scoured the camp; the flames from the torch warming his face as he frantically searched each tent. While earning a few 'hey's and 'get out's he came to the section of camp that was nearest the wall and lifted any and all tent flaps that he could find before stopping about half-way round.

"Octavia!"

Bellamy knew/hoped that Clarke would be awake at this time of night. He sensed that she was since he knew that she liked to stay up and draw, having accidentally come across her doing so, he approached her tent and saw that the flap was already open.

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Clarke sat in the gloomy haze of the dying firelight and wondered whether the flares had met their target. She knew her mother had done some terrible things, including the worst thing of all: floating her father. But she didn't want her to die. She knew her mother was on the council and wouldn't be in The Culling, yet three months down the line the Ark would run out of life support. She couldn't let that happen so she wracked her brain but had so far come up empty.