Remember When

Memories #4

When you and I first got together, it was bad.

Not because we weren't compatible, or that we didn't like each other.

The real reason was that of my previous boyfriend.

He was a rude person who loved control and having control in a relationship. And to think I actually loved him. The first few months that he and I were together, it was bliss. He got along great with me, and always texted first. Our relationship started over the summer before 10th grade. On weekends he'd take me to movies, on the weekdays we went to the beach and just relaxed, swimming sometimes, building sand castles other times.

He loved showing affection to me, and although I didn't always consent to it, I let him anyways. Whatever made him happy, made me happy, I believed. 

And how I just wish I spoke up to him.

By the end of the summer, he'd be making me go places I didn't feel like going and making me choose to hang out with him and his friends, not giving me the freedom to be with my own friends. He made my choices for me, and I felt trapped, caged.

Our relationship turned sour, we began to fight and although it was only ever over small things, the fights were huge, always ending with me either in tears or almost tears.

You were always there with me though.

I'd be crying, wondering how one second he'd say he loved me and the next second he shoves me aside and treats me like a toy. I cried because I wasn't sure what to think anymore; was he expecting me to take him back every time? Did he know he was hurting me? Was he trying to?

And you'd rub circles in my back and hug me close, whispering things like how I was a great person, and he didn't deserve me.

And although you helped a lot, the relationship between me and him became worse when school started.

He'd always try to initiate contact, contact that I didn't want. I'd say things like, we're in public, this isn't right.

Back then maybe I didn't outright say "No" because I feared it'd be the end of us. I didn't think about how it was emotional abuse and harassment the way he treated me. I was too scared.

But you would help me through it.

And then one time...

He saw you hugging me, and got angry. The angriest I had ever seen him. 

He was already in a bad mood, that day his basketball team lost against their opponent. When I tried to console him afterward he snapped at me, telling me that I was useless, and giving encouragement after a game wouldn't make his team win.

I ran out, shocked and almost in tears. You saw me, and pulled me into a hug, telling me things would be alright.

That might've been the day that I realized I had fallen for you, one of my closest friends and someone who treated me right and most importantly, understood me. That day could've been one of the best days of my life.

But then he kind of ruined it.

Storming into us like a train, he punched you and yelled profanities, saying that I was his, and you had no right to get in between us like that.

That day I broke up with him and then later, confessed to you, which was the best choice of my entire life.

The downside?

We had to keep it a secret so that he wouldn't find out.

If he did we'd be in trouble. He had an influence over the student body that most other students couldn't match up to and he gave off the 'perfect' vibe that everyone seemed to be attracted to. He could turn the entire school against us if he were to find out I'd already gotten together with someone else so soon.

You and I had begun our relationship in a rocky place. We knew our feelings and knew we wanted to be together, but both of us were scared.

I was scared of my ex-boyfriend hurting you.

You were scared of hurting me.

Thankfully my fears were resolved quickly enough. He had found another girl to play doll with, and the poor girl reminded me of myself. She looked so in love with him and admired him so much. I would watch as she happily held hands with him in the hallway, unknowingly letting him take her away from her friends.

I still wish I could warn her of the pain that she'd have to go through. Whether a girl or a boy, he could cage them in and control them until he felt bored. Alas, I didn't have to fret about him anymore, he had moved away to the other side of the country by the end of sophomore year, and you and I were finally left alone.

So when we first got together, it was bad, in the sense that the timing was bad and we were really just too scared to move any further than the "friendship" stage. Luckily for us though, we had supportive friends and family that helped us pull through and we managed to spend a good few years together.

And yet...we couldn't survive separation.

Hey to you too.

I do remember. He was a real jerk. Hated him then, hate him now. Like actually though, other than the good looks, he was a terrible person. What did I ever see in him?

And as for your question...I don't know. I guess we were just better together because we were together. Separation was never our thing and as a result of it happening, we broke up.

~Me?

P.S. Is your favorite drink still orange Fanta?

Sent✔