Every time I see the emails, the nostalgia comes flowing back into my brain, the memories swirling in a jumble.
Sometimes I wanted to forget them because the memory of you was too painful when we broke up. But now that the memories are back, I find myself just relishing in the realization that those days had happened, and even if they're only memories now, at the very least I remember them.
It was the summer before senior year, and we had been officially together for just about 2 years, give or take. Those days you spent with me and my family was because your parents were getting a divorce, and there were chaos and arguments and fighting in your house.
I offered my home to you and your sibling, with my parents' permission.
In the end, only you came over because your little sister just couldn't leave her mother behind.
At first, it was sad, an overlying tension in the air during mealtimes, everyone awkwardly avoiding the topic of family. Not to mention, that first day was rainy and gray, reflecting our moods. Life was quiet that day, quiet with an undertone of melancholy and anguish.
You and I spent the day in the guest room, own talking hushed and the words we spoke were drenched in worry and concern for everything going on. My house was already like a second home for you, with us being so close, but for that day it wasn't just a home, it was salvation and safety from the scary reality that was your house. From the reality that nothing was perfect and there would always be trouble and problems no matter what.
But then there was sunlight.
Like a miracle, the next day was sunny, and my parents suggested we invite our friends and head to the beach. So we did.
The day was spent wonderfully. We swam, the water cold to the touch but our hearts warmed by the presence of each other. We had a proper bonfire with marshmallows and we played games like truth or dare and never have I ever. Blasting music out of a Bluetooth speaker and retelling the funny stories of our childhood. We were technically underage, so no alcohol, but that day we felt like adults. We felt free, free of worries, even if it was just for a few hours.
It was like a cool breeze on a scorching day. Refreshing, relaxing.
I relish those memories.
I relish in the feeling of freedom and wildness with our friends, laughing like there was no tomorrow, crying and holding each other like there was no one else.
I relish in the feeling of home when I was with you. The comforting safe feeling that you triggered in my heart.
I relish in them all.
And I wish, just wish, that you could return to my side again.
...and maybe you could.
Hey to you too,
I remember.
~Me.
P.S. ...I regret it too.
P.P.S. Do you know that coffee shop on the corner of the street next to the park with the ivy-covered sign that I showed you when we visited my university? The one I wished I could go with you?
10:40 am, next Saturday.
Sent✔
YOU ARE READING
Remember When
Conto"Hey, Remember when you and I were sitting next to each other for about half an hour watching a movie and you didn't notice that you were leaning on me and thought I was a wall?" A series of emails about memories of days long past.
